While attending Bishop Fenwick High School, I hoped to find many like-minded Catholics but found myself becoming more and more of an outcast. My freshman year was marked by shy awkwardness. During my sophomore year, I tried to assert myself but was ridiculed for it. When my junior year began, I sensed time was running out to find a place to fit in.
My social life left something to be desired and while many of my friends went to parties and did other fun things outside of school, I seemed to be left out of the loop. A well-respected and somewhat popular student who professed to be a good Catholic took pity on me and pledged he would help me get more of a social life. I welcomed this kind of assistance but at the same time, I had my doubts he would be there for me. Since so much time had been lost during my previous two years of high school, I had to see it to believe it. As the weeks and then months passed, not much of anything happened to help improve my situation. I continued to spend night after night alone in my room pining for friends to hang out with and a girlfriend.
Then one day I learned the student who pledged to help improve my social life completely forgot about me. He and one of my friends had been hanging out and decided to go bowling. Then they thought it would be a lot more fun to invite a bunch of people. Soon friends were calling friends and an impromptu “tournament” was being formed. So many students agreed to stop by the bowling alley, several lanes had to be reserved. Everyone was having a great time when more than halfway through this tournament one of my friends realized they forgot to invite me. When I found out about this, I was deeply hurt. It could have been an honest mistake but being left out had me wondering if I was that invisible to people...even the ones who said they would go out of their way to help. Had I been really popular, I don't think I would have been so far away from everyone's minds.
This incident highlighted the trouble with friendships that are based on sympathy rather than mutual respect. Right off the bat, these relationships begin with unequal footing. While reaching out to that sad, lonely kid can be helpful, it shouldn't be done if you aren't going to make their needs and concerns a priority. From then on, I never took anything this fellow student said seriously.
When we help those who are less fortunate than us, do we see them as fellow human beings who might have been given a bad break or do we see them as something less than ourselves? Doing the latter robs people of their dignity and could cause more harm than good. When politicians court "the poor" to get votes, we hear all the speeches about fairness but notice how they never seem to get down and dirty with them to truly understand their plight. Instead many of our elected officials talk down to the poor from their mansions and fancy dinner parties. Every year, we see them clamor for photo opportunities at the local food pantry during Thanksgiving but if they really cared as much as they said they did, why wouldn't they invite a few of those homeless people to live with them? Talk is cheap.
One day during school, our class was let out early so we could attend an event in the auditorium. We were allowed to wait outside since it was such a warm and sunny day. As my fellow students spontaneously gathered into their usual cliques, I stood by myself and leaned up against a wooden post. An overly religious female classmate saw this and asked me, “Do you want to join us?” I looked at her and just shook my head no. I had enough sympathy for one day. If I couldn't be desired for who I was, I'd rather be alone.
