Another Dead End

We left off with one of my parish priests deciding to play match maker when a woman around my age approached him after a prayer group meeting and complained about being single.  My similar gripes popped into his mind and he thought it might be a good idea if we met.  When he discussed this with me after Mass, I wound up giving him my contact information so he could pass it along to this mystery woman.

I tired to be hopeful but any feelings of excitement were tempered by my dismal track record with the opposite sex.  Sure enough, the week passed by and I didn't receive a single phone call from any desperate Catholic females in their early 40s.  I wanted to follow up with my priest about this but as (bad) luck would have it, he didn't say Mass that week.

As (worse) luck would have it, I soon found out he wasn't even in the country since he was on a month-long mission to Europe.  This was frustrating to say the least because even though he had gone out of his way to keep my interests in mind, he failed to follow through by passing along my contact information.  Now a whole month that could have been spent going out on dates was lost.  When my priest finally returned to the parish, I wanted to see if he would say something to me about this woman without me having to remind him about it.  After Mass, he talked to my mother about her many aches and pains but he didn't say one word to me about this potential girlfriend.  So the struggles that were foremost on my mind for such a long time didn't seem to be that memorable to him.

At the end of another Mass, I decided to suck up my pride and just ask him about this woman.  He looked surprised and said, “She was here at this Mass.”  I thought to myself, “Gee, that's great.  And you said nothing to her about me?”  As a long-suffering single, I usually scan the pews just to see if (by some small miracle) an attractive woman decides to visit our church.  Perhaps my view of her had been blocked by other people or maybe she sat next to a support column?  Either way, I didn't notice any woman in her 40s among the sea of elderly parishioners.  My priest took out his phone and started texting her to let her know that the single Catholic guy he told her about (me!) was here.  She texted back within a few seconds but said she had already left.  My priest expressed his regrets and hoped we would meet up sometime in the near future.
 
I started to have doubts about this woman right then and there.  How serious could she be about finding a date if she wasn't willing to stop dead in her tracks and walk right back into the church to meet me?  Mass only ended a few minutes ago and I certainly would have done as much if the situation had been reversed.

A few more weeks passed by without hearing a thing from this woman despite that fact that I was pretty easy to find.  She knew which parish I belonged to and what Mass I usually attended.  She knew that I always sat with my mother.  She knew my first and last name which meant she could easily track me down on the internet.  When I followed up with my priest about this for a second time, he said he would reach out to her again.   More time passed and still there was no word.
 
I wound up having to approach my priest for a third time.  With regret in his voice, he said that he did talk to her about me but unfortunately, she was having second thoughts about the vocation of marriage and family life so she really didn't want to see anyone right now.  All that time wasted!

My mind sought to make sense of the utter stupidity of the situation.  This woman was so frustrated with being single that she was willing to complain about it to her priest but she was unwilling to do anything to change her situation.  It also surprised me that a Catholic single was willing to write off the one and only vocation that would lead to sacramental love and a family.  Maybe she was fine being a dateless wonder or maybe she was already playing the field like so many of my secular friends had done.

Of course, there was another possibility.  Maybe she did look into who I was but didn't find me to be a great catch.  Her first name was the same as a reasonably attractive 40 something woman I had once chatted with on a Catholic dating website.  After sending her only a few innocuous messages, she flaked out and disappeared.  Perhaps this woman and my priest's mystery date were one and the same.  Who knows? 
 
One thing is for sure, it strikes me as odd that so many Catholic women think they have all the time in the world to find the perfect prince charming while they let “Mr. Goodenough” slip right through their hands.

An Unexpected Invitation

I think it's safe to say that over the years, I've tried to make my plight as a Catholic single known to many of my parish priests.  Most of them have stood there like a deer caught in the headlights because they probably couldn't identify with my struggles.  I'm sure a few of them wondered why I was pestering them because they probably felt there really wasn't anything they could do to help.  This blog has tried to make the case that it's very important for the Church and our parish clergy in particular to actively assist their hapless singles.

Related to this is one piece of advice that I've regularly seen on Catholic dating chat rooms:  Singles should make their situation known because you never know what could happen when you make meaningful connections with others.  They often use the following as an example.  “If your Church is filled with elderly parishioners, talk to them anyway because one of these old people might have a grandchild who is single, lonely and looking for a spouse too.”  If you can land a great job through networking, it might also work when it comes to finding a mate.  Of course, the odds of this happening are probably quite low.  For many years now, a few old folks at Mass have prayed for me to find a spouse to no avail.  I can tell you that none of them have introduced me to their granddaughters either.  

I suppose the success rate of this strategy is slightly below the dismal world of internet dating.  It's been said that only a small percentage of people who date online will meet their future spouse.  Some people even refer to it as “hitting the lottery.”  None of this gives me much confidence as a single and for a long while, I thought I'd never meet anyone.
 
Then after one particular Mass, one of my priests pulled me aside to talk.  He had remembered my complaints about being single and said a woman in his bible study group recently came up to him and started talking about how difficult it was to find a good Catholic man.  He added that this woman was in her early 40s and was very attractive.  Then he wanted to know if I would be interested in meeting her.  With no other prospects on the horizon I said yes.  He entered my name and number into his smart phone and said he would talk to her later on and see if she wanted to go out with me.
 
I was excited but also leery.  He didn't have a photo of this woman to show me so I'd be trusting the judgment of a priest that she was attractive.  Also, any optimism I had was tempered by the reality of the situation.  Sure, I was Catholic but I did question my faith at times and some of my hobbies could be off-putting to someone who was incredibly devout.  What where the odds that we would hit it off sight unseen?  Still, I was willing to try just about anything short of a mail order bride from the Philippines.  Having a date who lived within driving distance was a plus too given my responsibilities as a caregiver for my mother.  To his credit, my priest did say that he wasn't sure how our religious beliefs would line up but he thought a first date would be a step in the right direction.
 
So with that, he said he would get back to me about this.  I was happy someone had finally taken my complaints about being single to heart and kept my interests in mind when an opportunity presented itself.  Now I had to wait and see what would become of all this.  So many thoughts swirled around in my mind as I left the church.  Could this be how I find my future wife?  Time would tell.