While having older friends and acquaintances can teach young people valuable lessons, it's important for them to be with their own kind too. In high school, there weren't many of my fellow students to hang out with but the elderly seemed to be everywhere. Gray-haired parishioners filled the pews during Mass and significant number of employees and customers at the small grocery store I worked for were old as well. I got along with some of them but the topics of conversation they brought up were very different from the concerns that were foremost on my mind. While I worried about fitting in and getting a date for the junior prom, they complained about every little ache and pain. If I was feeling sad from being bullied, they would simply say, “Smile. It can't be that bad.” To the young person who can't seem to find where he belongs in the world, it can be that bad. Then of course, I was constantly reminded how life was so much better back in their day.
Soon these people invaded my thoughts. I feared growing old and thought about death on a daily basis. I imagined a world 100 years from now with a student looking at distant images of our generation on a page in a history book. These thoughts weren't very natural for a teenager and it made my young life feel very tiresome. I'm not saying young people should live their days with carefree abandon but there needs to be balance. A teen's sense of his own mortality should make him appreciate life instead of dreading it.
Unfortunately, being surrounded by old people has continued to plague me all these years later. I could be sitting by myself at the library and an elderly woman will plunk herself down right next to me. At Mass, no person my age ever occupies the nearby pews. The friendships and acquaintances I do have with the elderly tend to be very one-sided. They get to discuss the movies, television shows and music they grew up with but God forbid I share anything from my generation. In fact, there is a whole list of “safe” and “unsafe” topics swirling around in my mind.
One septuagenarian friend named Richard has been growing increasingly grumpy despite a comfortable retirement and happy marriage. No matter the subject, he always seems to find a way to bring people down. In an e-mail on the 50th anniversary of the Apollo 11 moon landing, he started off by saying what a wonderful achievement it was. He then mentioned how the event briefly united the world. His commentary quickly went south: “I can't believe it's been a half century since that night. I'm 78 now and I'm disappointed that after a few more moon landings, we just quit. I expected by now that there would be a permanent base on the moon. But no, just some footprints and abandoned equipment. What a waste.”
Richard also sent a fascinating Youtube video of New York street scenes from 1911. He wrote: “Every single person and horse in this film have long since passed away. They were here, like we are, and had their moment in the sun. Captured on film, they will live on, unknown, for as long as the film images last. We now are having our moment in the sun, and 108 years from now we, like them, will be long gone.” Hmm. Do I need any more reminders of how short life is?
Over the years, I learned to put up with Richard's curmudgeonly commentary but recently, it got too personal. As he was waiting in a mutual friend's pickup tuck, Richard saw me walking along in the distance and said to everyone that I would never get married. I blew my chance at finding a wife in college and now I spent too much time being a mamma's boy. He added that I dressed like someone out of the 1956 Sears catalog and needed to get with the times. When I learned about his hurtful rant, I said nothing to him but decided to keep my distance from now on. Over the years, I had sacrificed a lot to maintain a friendship with Richard. Now he was throwing me under the bus for a good laugh. If this didn't underscore the importance of having caring relationships with people your own age, nothing else did.
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