The plan was to meet Jen, my friend and his girlfriend at his house. Was this a double date? Did I need to dress up? Were we going out somewhere? He was pretty vague about what the night would entail. To make a good impression and just to be on the safe side, I decided to wear a nice sweater. When I arrived at my friend's house, everyone was hanging out in the cellar. Among the heater and exposed pipes was a make-shift TV room where two girls waited for us. One had brown hair and a somewhat athletic build and the other was blonde with glasses and very overweight. I quietly asked my friend, “Which one is mine?” It was the overweight blonde, of course.
I was way overdressed because we were just going to watch a movie on his VCR. Jen wore a loose-fitting wrinkled shirt with tight gray sweatpants that accentuated her huge thighs. I had reservations about this but was still willing to give her a chance and see where the evening would go. Everyone wanted to watch the 1990 cinematic gem, House Party starring Kid 'n Play. This wouldn't be my first choice...third choice...or 100th choice but I decided to just go along with it to make everyone happy. My friend pressed play on the VCR and I sat in awkward silence as they all laughed at tasteless jokes. There were references to garden hoes, and a graphic scene of coitus interruptus among other things. Did I say this wouldn't even be my 100th choice for the evening's entertainment?
There were a few times when I tried engaging Jen in conversation but she really didn't have much to say. It was clear we were two very different people with not much in common. I wondered why the heck my friend ever tried to set me up with her. Shortly after the movie ended, I headed for home. Did this awful experience count as my very first date? It certainly didn't feel like it. In my mind, we were just casually hanging out in a basement for a few hours.
The next day, my friend asked what I thought of Jen. I let him know that I just wasn't interested in her. Of course, he later reported this news to his girlfriend and she thought I was a jerk for rejecting her friend. I really didn't care what she thought because I had to stay true to myself. This girl gave me no indication that she had anything in common with me regarding my faith, hobbies, or personality and I wasn't going to be guilted into a relationship that was doomed to fail.
The whole incident reminds me of one stand up comic's routine about blind dates. He said that after a certain age, it gets much harder to find eligible singles so his friends try to set him up with the only available women they can find. To make these potential suitors sound more appealing, his friends say things like, “She has so much in common with you. She breaths air. You breath air. What a coincidence. It was meant to me.” While an extreme exaggeration, it certainly has a ring of truth to it.
Over the summer, my friend and his girlfriend went to a water park with Jen and her new boyfriend. He said Jen was all over her date and she made an embarrassing display of herself. They were sexually active and just couldn't keep their hands off each other. I thought to myself, “If I had low standards, that could have been me.” Interestingly, he apologized for trying to set me up with Jen in the first place. I didn't hold a grudge because he was influenced by the desire to make his girlfriend happy. I just wish he had exercised a little more judgment in choosing a possible girlfriend for me because sometimes when people think they are helping, they're not helping at all.
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