A Matter of Perspective

After cashing my paycheck for the week, I usually top off the car's gas tank at a nearby filling station.  More often than not, the man behind the counter is a quiet Indian gentleman who doesn't say much beyond hello.

Earlier this month, I pulled into this station as usual.  “15 dollars on pump 5.  Regular,” I said to the man behind the counter who again, didn't say much.  I then walked back to the car and started to fill the gas tank but in the corner of my eye was a figure standing next to me.  It was the quiet gentleman from behind the counter.  He told me that I always smelled good, dressed nice and was very handsome so he wondered if I had a girlfriend.  I reluctantly answered, “No.”  He then asked, “So no wife?  No children?”  Again, I answered no adding that this town tended to attract people who were already married and that made things difficult for the singles who lived here.  He then said I should join a gym because there were many attractive women there.  They hit on him all the time but he had to tell them he was married.  Out of politeness, I asked what gym he went to.  After he told me, we wrapped up our conversation and he went back inside.  I found the entire experience to be incredibly awkward.

Later that day, I told a few acquaintances about this incident and they didn't think much of it.  “He was just looking out for you,” said one of them.  Another wondered if he had a daughter and was trying to set her up with me.  Despite these explanations, it still felt wrong on so many levels.  Someone I hardly knew got very personal very fast.  What was it about me that made him drop what he was doing to chat about my (lack-of-a) relationship status?  I guess the only silver lining in all of this was the fact that he was married and didn't appear to be hitting on me.

I started to think about all the times I've been complimented on my looks from total strangers.  The largest offenders by far have been elderly women.  Since dressing nice seems to be a lost art in this slob culture, I guess my fashion sense must be a refreshing sight to them.  But it crosses a line when they say things like, “If I was only 30 years younger.”  This is not something a dateless wonder like me wants to hear!

As far back as my late teens, I remember hearing these compliments from older people as I struggled to find a girlfriend.  All throughout high school and college, I seemed to fly under the radar of women my own age and in the years since, I've never had any of them pick me out of a crowd to chat or praise my fashion sense.  In fact, women my age never seem to give any hint they find me interesting at all.  The signals they do send range from cold indifference to mildly annoyed.

During a recent discussion on a Catholic dating chat room, I explained my chronic bad luck at finding a date.  A divorced woman who was ten years older than me thought I was being too hard on myself and wondered if I suffered from low self-esteem.  I told her it wasn't low self-esteem.  It was reality.  There was something about me that didn't catch the eye of women my own age.  She questioned this and said I had classic good looks.  If that was the case then what the heck was wrong with women my own age?  Were they blind or did they only like musclebound jocks?  Maybe they feared most men.  Perhaps their expectations were so high, they routinely overlooked the decent guys who stood right in front of them?  Elsewhere in this chat room some of the women talked about how sexy it was to see a guy in a suit and tie and then they lamented all the profiles with poorly dressed men.  Well, my profile picture featured a nicely coordinated suit and tie combination.  Maybe women my age don't know what they want.

I may not be the hunkiest guy in the world, but people have given me far too many compliments to believe that I'm repulsive.  Recently, a couple of new co-workers were amazed when they found out how old I really was because they said I looked much younger.  So why is it that I run into these very different perspectives?

Frankly, I think a lot of women in this part of the country tend to be stuck up.  They pine for boyfriends but have no trouble shooting men down who dare try starting a conversation with them.  Then when they're old and have “lost their looks” they have no trouble being flirtatious because any attention from a handsome younger guy is welcome since it's been so long since they've been thought of as sexy.

One thing is for sure, it's a sad thing when you have total strangers coming out of the woodwork to pay you a compliment but no woman your own age will do the same.