The Trouble With Birthdays

Since there's only one “you” in this vast universe, birthdays should be joyous celebrations of life where your uniqueness is cherished by loved ones.  For black sheep, this special day can be problematic.

As a kid, birthdays were humble but nice.  The family would gather after dinner to unveil a beautifully decorated cake and then I would open presents, which was always exciting.  In the last years of elementary school, having friends celebrate with me became important so my family organized a few small parties which were wonderful.

As I got older, the desire to go out and do something fun with my peers was strong but birthdays were gradually becoming something of an afterthought.  A few friends couldn't remember the exact day while others forgot altogether.  (Some of them wouldn't hesitate to remind me about their birthdays, though.)

When friends did rise to the occasion, our time together didn't exactly fulfill my expectations.  One year, a buddy called me at the last minute but it was so late, we spent the night driving around empty streets with nowhere to go.  I enjoyed the company but it also underscored my sense of isolation.

Of course, if a friend has kids, it means the little ones tag along too and sometimes they bring their grandfather.  If birthdays are the one time of the year when it's alright to be the center of attention, this can significantly cramp your style.


I really dislike Boston cream pie.  When a friend insisted I drive out to see him, he unveiled the dreaded dessert as my birthday cake.  Why?  Because it was HIS favorite flavor.  Boston cream pie reappeared a few years later when my parents were forced to buy one because the local market had run out of other cakes.  I appreciated the thought but removed the cream layer from my slice.

The dreaded Boston cream pie

One of my birthdays was spent attending an uncle's funeral.  The next year, relatives invited us to a memorial dinner for him.  I got my hopes up when they brought out a birthday cake but it was for a cousin who had a birthday a few days later.

Eventually celebrating with my parents became the routine as friends moved away.  One year we got dressed up to go to a fancy restaurant but before I finished reading the menu, my brother got into an argument with my dad which spoiled the mood.  Sometimes we just stayed home and my mom would cook a favorite meal.  I still longed for that night out with a close circle of friends, however.

While my parents usually got me a thoughtful card with some money inside, others felt they had to buy a present no matter how odd it was.  For some reason, my cousin felt I would enjoy a ceramic bear figurine sitting inside a tea cup with the words "Happy Birthday To You!" emblazoned on the side.  Gifts like that make me wonder if people really know me at all.  Of course, nothing creates doubt more than when a friend doesn't reciprocate after giving them a gift for their special day.

Back when you actually had to remember the date of someone's birthday, a few of my friends would exchange personal birthday wishes via e-mail.  This ended with the advent of Facebook.  Now wishing someone a happy birthday was as simple as typing out two words yet most of my Facebook friends couldn't even do that.  This year hit a new low.  After some deliberation, I deleted a good chunk of them and unfollowed a few more.  Some were only acquaintances but others had been close to me at one time.

Social media often cheapens friendships.  The day before my birthday, I put out the call on Facebook for someone to keep me company.  Two friends who lived far away expressed their regrets but everyone else said nothing.  I guess they were too busy posting the latest meme or sharing yet another political article.  As wired as society is nowadays, we seem to be more disconnected than ever.  Only a couple of friends pick up the phone to call with birthday greetings anymore.

While cleaning out the attic many years ago, I found an old children's book called Sloth's Birthday Party.  When the main character feels forgotten and alone just before his birthday, all of his friends pitch in to help him celebrate in a very meaningful way.  The story strikes a chord with me because it represents an ideal that's been very elusive.

For this black sheep, birthdays are starting to feel like just another day.  Presents aren't that important when compared to the gift of warm and caring relationships.  Yet, if it wasn't for my mother putting together a small celebration, I'd probably be alone for the entire day.  

People should never take each other for granted but sometimes they do and birthdays tend to magnify this fact.