St. Theresa's had pared down architecture that was typical of modern churches. It was set back from the main road so I drove by the place and had to make a u-turn. I parked next to the rectory which looked liked your average suburban home. After ringing the doorbell, a secretary greeted me and then led me to a small waiting room. On a table was a large white bible so I decided to open it to a random page and place my finger on a passage without looking. I landed on “Then sometimes the priests take the silver and gold from their gods and spend it on themselves or give part of it to the harlots on the terrace.” Was this some sort of omen? Bishop O'Connell popped in to say hi for a moment because he was running late. I looked around the room and noticed a picture on the wall of St. Theresa's done in pencil.
About ten minutes later, the bishop returned after locating his cell phone and we walked to a nearby conference room that looked like it had once been a living room. I had no idea where to begin so Bishop O'Connell asked me about my life. I mentioned being a caregiver for my parents, the struggle to find a steady career and some of the volunteer work I've performed over the years. He said it sounded like my life was in a rut. No argument there but I was disappointed he seemed to dismiss the value of my sacrifices. Don't we often hear sermons about taking up your cross no matter the burden? This line of questioning was really off-putting so I suggested we focus on issues relating to the Church itself. After all, women might not find some of my life choices to be very appealing but if there are no eligible members of the opposite sex around in the first place, my shortcomings were moot.
Again, I wondered why there was little help for Catholic singles. The Boston Archdiocese used to have lectures, retreats and even boat cruises for young adults. Bishop O'Connell said they still do but I needed to stop using the term young adult since I wasn't one. His brusqueness surprised me because referring to myself as a young adult appeared to be a subconscious habit since my congregation was filled with so many elderly parishioners. This misstep in the conversation reminded me of the time my former pastor nitpicked me for calling the young adult group at our church the youth group. He knew what I meant so why not just get to the heart of the matter?
I told the bishop many priests actually discouraged singles with a calling to be married because they didn't want fellowship events to become “meat markets.” He seemed amused by that slang term so I said it sometimes appeared on blogs about Catholic singles. Then I asked if he had ever read any of those blogs. Bishop O'Connell said no because he wasn't single. How dispiriting. To help solve this problem, priests should at the very least be willing to familiarize themselves with our struggles and a good way to do that is to read what other single Catholics have to say.
When I suggested the Church take bold steps to encourage matchmaking like giving away online dating memberships, he balked at the idea. I asked where the harm was since the Church often threw money out the window on some truly wasteful expenditures. God forbid lonely Catholic singles actually find dates, get married, have kids and help renew the faith. Bishop O'Connell did say St. Theresa's had a group that met on Monday evenings and there were a few people in their 40s who regularly attended. He suggested I check it out.
Sadly, I could see our conversation on Catholic singles wasn't turning out to be very productive so I decided to switch gears and discuss many of the other issues facing the Church that I had mentioned during the Q and A session.
