Dear Cardinal Sean,
I am thankful for your prompt response to my letter regarding singles who are unable to fulfill their vocation to Holy Matrimony. My pleas for help were a call to action not just for me but for the many Catholic singles who also feel abandoned by the Church.
My letter asked if anyone was giving much thought to those of us who are called to marriage but cannot find a spouse. Unfortunately, this question remains unanswered and the only piece of advice you gave me was to get involved in activities in my local parish since you felt they provided the best opportunities “for developing friendships and relationships with like-minded adults including women of like age who are seeking the fulfillment and stability of a Catholic spouse.” As I said before, the parishes that I've belonged to or visited have mostly elderly parishioners with some families so parish activities never offered good opportunities to meet like-minded adults seeking marriage. Some people have suggested befriending those elderly parishioners since they could have daughters or grandchildren who are also seeking marriage but after many years of trying, it just hasn’t happened. In fact, the reason I wrote to you was because our parishes have consistently failed to address the very real needs of singles seeking marriage.
Even though our struggles have gone largely unnoticed in real life, a quick search of the virtual world reveals numerous Catholic websites and blogs that have devoted considerable space to this topic. These sites are usually filled with reader comments from brokenhearted singles who feel very hurt by the Church's indifference. Perhaps you could check out some of these websites to better understand our plight?
For such a long time, I have asked for bread only to receive a stone. The priests and bishops who have heard my pleas for help thank me for my strong faith but then do nothing. Such a response risks weakening a person's faith and it has definitely weakened mine. Please don't be so quick to dismiss the concerns I have brought to your attention. My challenge to you and others in the Church is to start talking about this problem and to think about ways to bring singles together beyond the once-a-year National Catholic Singles Conference that many cannot attend due to cost and geographical distance. The healthy future of our Catholic religion is at stake.
What will happen to all those elderly-filled parishes in the next 20 years? Our priests might find themselves saying Mass in empty houses of worship. It makes me wonder if places like the Carmelite Chapel will see another 60 years. As Cardinal, your very presence attracts a large number of enthusiastic worshipers but this tends to skew the true number of parishioners who show up to Mass on a weekly basis. Many of our parishes are dying a slow death but the response from my pastors over the years has been to focus on exterior things that do very little to increase the number of weekly worshipers like needless renovations to churches that are already beautiful. Helping singles who actually want to get married and raise children in loving Catholic homes could be a great source of renewal for our suffering Church.
Not being able to fulfill your vocation is a very painful thing. Imagine if someone had told you that you couldn't be a priest. Would you simply accept this or would you feel like there was something missing in your life? Embracing Catholic values automatically puts a person at odds with what our secular society holds dear so singles like me need the Church to be there for us. I hope you will take some time to reflect upon what is written here and then take action. Your prayers are most welcome but something more needs to be done.
After mailing my letter, I viewed Cardinal Sean's blog and discovered he was in Rome attending a pro-life conference. A few days later, he traveled to Spain so it was unlikely he would read my call to action anytime soon. Once again it seems like our shepherds are too busy and too inaccessible to truly understand the needs of their lost sheep.
I also wondered if writing the Cardinal somehow placed my name and address on file with the Office of the Boston Archdiocese. Did my letter get flagged and tossed into some kind of “loony bin” where it would never see the light of day? If so, that would be very unfortunate because the Church is in serious trouble and our spiritual leaders can no longer afford to ignore the pleas of its Catholic singles.
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