My Problem is the Church's Problem Too

When I told a few fellow Catholics about my letter to Cardinal Sean O'Malley, someone asked why my inability to find a date was his problem in the first place.  The answer was quite simple.  The future health of the Catholic faith was at stake because when men and women who actually embrace the Church's teachings can no longer find spouses then it's a sign that something is very wrong with our society.

A few days after I said this, a story aired on Boston's Fox 25 News that highlighted an increasing trend among young couples: more and more of them are living together and bypassing marriage altogether. (https://www.boston25news.com/news/first-time-more-couples-have-lived-together-than-have-been-married/J73PNOD6ZRANNIMHN45TRSRWWQ/)  One couple interviewed had three kids out of wedlock and felt nothing was wrong with it.  What key factor helped contribute to the decline of marriage?  Religion was becoming less important in people's lives.  The story then claimed three fourths of Catholics no longer believed anything was wrong with cohabitation.  When behaviors that were once considered taboo are normalized, then those who accept the Church's teachings on sex and marriage become the marginalized.  That's why it's imperative the Catholic Church provide a haven for those still seeking the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony.

We are told good shepherds give their flock comfort.  They know the problems of their congregations and try to help.  Yet in all my years of being a Catholic, I have seen priests give great care and comfort to just about every kind of parishioner EXCEPT singles seeking marriage.  For some reason, our concerns rank lower than Aunt Mable's difficulty trying to bake her great grandmother's recipe for pecan pie and little Suzy's first adult tooth coming in.  There's always been some excuse for not helping us and now that fears of the Covid-19 virus have gripped society, the concerns of Catholic singles continue to be pushed further and further away from the minds of our shepherds. 

Dismissing that shy Catholic single who asks for help may not hurt a parish in the short term but it will have lasting damaging consequences for the Church in the long term.  When immoral behavior is seemingly rewarded, you will see more couples shack up.  You will see more broken families.  You will see more spiritually laziness.  When embracing the teachings of the Church only brings misery, isolation and loneliness you will see more young people turn their backs on the faith.  You will see more churches close.  You will see more parishes wither away.  You will see the New Evangelization fail.   If this doesn't motivate our shepherds to help Catholic singles, then it's likely nothing will shake them out of their lethargy.

During my discussion of this topic, a fellow Catholic who sympathized with my argument passed along a 2014 article from Crisis Magazine written by Anthony Esolen entitled “Who Will Rescue the Lost Sheep of the Lonely Revolution?”  Many parts of his column really hit home with me and I will close out this blog entry by posting those relevant excerpts here:

“Let me speak up for the young people who see the beauty of the moral law and the teachings of the Church, and who are blessed with noble aspirations, but who are given no help, none, from their listless parents, their listless churches, their crude and cynical classmates, their corrupted schools. These youths and maidens in a healthier time would be youths and maidens indeed, and when they married they would become the heart of any parish.”

“Let me speak up for the young people who do in fact follow the moral law and the teachings of the Church. Many of these are suffering intense loneliness. Have you bothered to notice? Have you considered all those young people who want to be married, who should be married, but who, because they will not play evil’s game, can find no one to marry? The girls who at age twenty-five and older have never even been asked on a date? The “men” languishing in a drawn-out adolescence? These people are among us; they are everywhere. Who gives them a passing thought? They are suffering for their faith, and no one cares. Do you care, leaders of my Church?” 

“What help do you give them? Do you not rather at every step exacerbate their suffering, when by your silence and your telling deeds you confirm in them the terrible fear that they have been played for chumps, that their own leaders do not believe, that they would have been happier in this world had they gone along with the world, and that their leaders would have smiled upon them had they done so?”

“Who speaks for the penitent, trying to place his confidence in a Church that cuts his heart right out, because she seems to take his sins less seriously than he does? Venturing forth into the margins, my leaders? You have not placed one toe outside of the plush rugs of your comfort. Do so, I beg you! Come and see all those whom the Lonely Revolution has hurt. Leave your parlors and come to the sheepfold!”