Suicide: Don't Do It

My heart breaks when I read news about yet another teen who commits suicide because of constant bullying.  It makes me wish someone had intervened in time to avert such a tragedy from happening in the first place.

If you're a victim of bullying, please understand that things often do get better.  During my time at Bishop Fenwick, I was teased for liking Star Trek but being a geek has become a lot cooler over the years and this month I found myself attending Boston Comic Con with hoards of Trekkies, some dressed in character but all having fun.  I never could have imagined this in high school.

By their very nature, bullies fight dirty, using anything as ammunition to put you down: your weight, clothes, hair style, hobbies, lack of athletic ability, sexuality but this doesn't mean their cruel insults are valid.  A while ago, a photo of a sad girl named Lexie was circulating on the internet because she was teased for wearing glasses.  How ridiculous it is to be singled out for something so trivial.  Glasses for adults are sometimes seen as being sexy or distinguished if anyone bothers to notice them at all.  Don't believe the petty taunts of your bullies because they don't know what they are talking about.  Thankfully, Lexie's post received support from over 6 million people.  The internet that allows cyberbullying also lets us connect with others in similar situations.  You may find that you're not so alone after all.

Lexie's story can be found here:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fSSr06oms9c

The irony is, it's the outcasts in school who are often more interesting, sensitive and creative while the “popular kids” tend to be boring.  Some of the most successful people once suffered from bullying like Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling and Apple Inc. co-founder Steve Jobs.  Image how different the world would be had they given up on their dreams.  Never sell out who you are just to fit in because you will lose the very things that make you unique.

Jeremiah 1:5 says, "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you."  This verse is so comforting because it reminds me that God is close.  He gave each of us special qualities that have the potential to do so much good.  Some of us might change the world in big ways but most of us get the chance to make the world a better place in our own small ways.  As difficult as it may be, try to see the big picture.

School is a strangely intense environment with a whole host of unwritten rules but it only lasts for a handful of years.  Many of the pressures to “fit in” simply disappear when you graduate.  A better future might seem unthinkable when you're being bullied but it could be right around the corner.  We never know what happy accidents will drop into our lives.  A few years ago, I unexpectedly wound up hosting a radio show and it turned out to be a very positive and rewarding experience.  This never would have happened had I decided to end it all in high school.

Suicide is such an evil thing because it robs the world of God's plan for you.  A deacon at my former parish once said, “God doesn't give you any problems you can't handle.”  This statement is too simplistic because if it were true then no one would end their lives.  Sometimes life does get overwhelming and we feel that everything is spinning out of control.  Bullies use their free will to be cruel while others choose to sit on the sidelines instead of helping us out.  The feeling of hurt can be staggering but please, don't give up!

Throughout my years of being bullied in school, I managed to hold onto hope even if it was a very small piece.  Hope allows us to carry on even when we just can't see the road ahead.  Steal moments of joy by treasuring the little things that make life bearable.  Two of my much-needed escapes back then were listening to music and building models.  Realize that you are loved even if it isn't so obvious.  Suicide is doubly cruel because of the terrible heartache and guilt it places on the survivors.  Try telling a loved-one about your heavy burdens.  It just might lift some weight off your soul.  Volunteer.  By making a difference in the lives of others, you might just learn some good things about yourself.  Steer clear from those who pressure you with bad influences like drugs.  You don't need friends like that.  Forgive your bullies.  They may never see the errors of their ways but letting go of resentment can actually weaken their hold on you.  Forgive yourself.  It's not your fault that you are being teased.  Lastly, realize this blog only represents my views.  If you can't rid yourself of suicidal thoughts, there are professionals out there who may be able to offer assistance and you can even call a suicide hotline.  Asking for help isn't a sign of weakness...it's an act of courage.

Another Canary In The Coal Mine

During one class at Bishop Fenwick High School, we were visited by a guest speaker who worked with troubled youth.  He started off his presentation by asking us why miners brought canaries into the mine.  My classmates were befuddled so I answered, “Since a canary is small, it has a fast heartbeat so if there are any poisonous gases released in the mine, it would die first.”  The speaker added when the tiny bird died, it was a signal for the miners to leave because conditions inside the mine were quickly becoming lethal for them.  He then explained how children were society's version of the canary in a coal mine and when we regularly heard news of kids falling victim to violence, it signaled serious problems within our civilization that demanded immediate attention.

The speaker's presentation stayed with me all these years and I was reminded of it a few days ago after reading about the Aug. 11th suicide of thirteen year old Daniel Fitzpatrick.  The seventh grader attended Holy Angels Catholic Academy in Brooklyn, New York and was constantly bullied.  When he asked teachers for help, only one tried to do something about it.  Others simply did nothing.  The misery was so overwhelming, Daniel went into his attic and ended his life.

Daniel Fitzpatrick, 13  /  source: Facebook

His distraught parents said the school didn't do enough to stop the bulling.  His sister alleged one teacher even belittled Daniel by calling him lazy.  Some have claimed the situation was more complex and suggested the child's home life might have contributed to poor grades and angry outbursts.  An attorney for his parents said these accusations were an attempt to discredit the family.

In a statement, Bishop Nicholas DiMarzio said, “While there are many unanswered questions, it is indisputable that this is an unspeakable tragedy.  We must always remain vigilant and attentive to the emotional needs of the children in our care.”  I doubt such words offer any sense of comfort to Daniel's parents.

Weeks before his suicide, Daniel wrote down his feelings in a letter which was later released to the press by his father.  “My old friends changed.  They didn't talk to me.  They didn't even like me,”  Daniel wrote.  “I wanted to get out.  I begged and pleaded.”  It appears Holy Angels Catholic Academy failed to live up to Bishop DiMarzio's high-sounding words.

Judging from my own experiences, most people seem to be clueless when it comes to helping those who are suffering emotionally.  Falling grades could indicate a student is being bullied but so many of my teachers merely wrote “Not working to full potential” on my report card and moved on.  I once wrote a letter to my pastor that described my sense of loneliness saying, “I feel so very lost, empty, and depressed.”  Despite his lofty sermons on lost sheep, he never spoke a word to me about it.  During some of my darkest hours, far too many of my friends appeared dismissive or just weren't there.

People must think suicide is so far-fetched a thing, they simply take another person's anguish for granted.  Instead of meaningful support they'll say, “Oh, you'll get over it.”  “Smile.  It's not the end of the world.”  We play Russian roulette by brushing aside someone's faint cry for help and it's only after a person commits suicide that loved ones suddenly see the missed clues.

   

So many canaries have been lost.

When I was younger, I used to think the problem of bullying could be solved through discipline and a sweeping cultural shift but now I'm not so sure.  Despite zero tolerance polices, diversity programs and anti-bullying legislation, more and more canaries are dying in the coal mine.  A quick scan of the headlines reveals story after story of children succumbing to suicide.  Growing up, we were able to leave our bullies at the school yard but today's teens must contend with the 24/7 cycle of cyberbullying.  At times, society seems more vicious than ever and it has me wondering if some bullies are hardwired.

A few people have decided to use the Fitzpatrick family's tragedy to indict Catholic education in general or push certain political agendas.  As someone who was teased in both private and public school systems, I find such grandstanding to be very insensitive because it takes away from the human side of this story.  All of us are special with unique gifts to bring to the world but another canary was lost this month and now we will never know what lives young Daniel might have touched.