See You Next Year

A typical crowd for Christmas.

The small church I attend is almost entirely made up of elderly parishioners.  A few teenagers and children show up with their parents from time to time but it's not very  consistent.  During this year's Christmas vigil, I noticed a few females close to my age sitting in the pews.  (This is something any red-blooded male who is extremely lonely would spot right away!)  I don't recall seeing these women before and all I could think was, “I will never see them again.”

On Christmas, churches see huge increases in attendance from Catholics who rarely go to Mass.  Some might have sentimental attachments to a particular parish while others consider going to church during the holiday a time honored family tradition.  Whatever the reason, many priests use the occasion to deliver a softer sermon that's welcoming and affirming.  At my former parish, it was felt calling out lapsed Catholics would do very little to convince them to return to Mass the following Sunday.  My pastor at the time said if he could reach just one person in the pews then his uplifting sermon would have been worthwhile.

Only 17% of Catholics in the Archdiocese actually go to church on a weekly basis so it's a safe bet most of those unfamiliar faces at Christmas won't be back.  A more appropriate seasonal greeting after Mass might be, “See you next year.”  Some have said it takes courage for these lapsed Catholics to step inside a building that potentially makes them feel uncomfortable.  Judging them would be wrong because we don't know the reasons for their long absence.  However, as someone who attends Mass every week, seeing an unusually packed church at Christmas just doesn't sit right with me.

Let's say you had a garden and spent months carefully growing fruit for a homemade pie that you baked at harvest time.  How would you feel if someone just waltzed up and helped themselves to half of that pie?  Perhaps this is not the best analogy because houses of worship aren't pies but it's the regular parishioners who keep churches running with their weekly contributions of time and money.  Some volunteer to sing in the choir, make minor repairs, buy flowers, take up collections, etc.  A lot of giving goes into bringing lapsed Catholics that holiday moment.

For the regular church goer, Christmas can bring frustration especially when you have to squeeze into an already crowded pew or worse, stand for the entire Mass.  Those inoffensive sermons meant to appeal to a wider audience tend to be bland.  People unfamiliar with church sometimes chat up a storm during the Mass.  One year, a pair of teenage girls sitting behind me were so bored they spent much of the time text messaging each other.  It was incredibly distracting although many of us would gladly “suffer” the problems of an overcrowded church every week.

A few people on my hometown's Facebook group said how beautiful my former parish was and even though they had not been to Mass in years, they still considered it their spiritual home.  In today's day and age, any church can be closed due to poor attendance and financial woes.  Lapsed Catholics might find themselves with nowhere to go on Christmas if their favorite house of worship is sold off and slated for the wrecking ball.

This could happen to your favorite church if you don't support it.   Image: Tony Atkin

Investing so little time into your faith has real-world consequences.  Once or twice a year parishioners miss out on contributing to many worthy causes.  If there's a natural disaster, refugee crisis, or missionary asking for money, a second collection is usually taken up during Mass but since most Catholics stay at home, the amount of relief the needy receive is not as great as it could be.  To make matters worse, parishes don't see a dime of the increased giving on Christmas because the collection goes to fund retired priests throughout the Archdiocese.

By staying home on Sunday, lapsed Catholics also sell themselves short because their unique talents could strengthen our churches.  They understand better than anyone why people don't attend Mass regularly so perhaps their perspectives could be used create more inviting places of worship.  Drawing from a larger pool of people might help reinvigorate parishes that are stale.  (Of course, this hinges on having a pastor who is open to such ideas.)

The parable of the workers in the vineyard tells us the first can be last and the last can be first so it's important for regular parishioners to avoid a country club mentality where some think they have preferred member status.  Seeing filled pews during Christmas reminds me how empty they can be the rest of the year.

During the Christmas vigil, our priest listed several reasons why some hearts might not be filled with joy but he added that God was always looking to welcome us back.  In a bit of wishful thinking, he mentioned the regular Mass times at the end of the service.  I hope some of those unfamiliar faces at Christmas do return next week because it's sad knowing so many of my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ won't be back for a long time.

Over 6,000 And Counting

As kids, waiting for Christmas to arrive seemed like an eternity.  To help count the days, my brother and I took turns opening the little paper doors on an advent calendar that was hung in the kitchen.  Behind each door was a simple seasonal drawing but it filled us with such a sense of wonder.  The final door always revealed a depiction of the baby Jesus but our minds were too focused on opening presents to dwell on its meaning for very long.

Before going to bed on Dec. 24th, we would take one last look at the empty Christmas tree knowing our long wait was almost over.  More often than not, my brother and I would wake up around 5 AM and sneak downstairs to see all the presents that miraculously appeared under the tree.  After checking out the name tags on a few gifts, we crept back into bed eagerly awaiting the new day's dawn.  At the time, we didn't fully appreciate all that our parents did to make the holiday so very special for us.

Back then, Transformers were very popular toys and recently, I looked some of them up on the internet.  My research opened a bottomless can of worms because in addition to all the original toys we used to play with, there were limited edition models, variants from foreign markets, reissues, redesigns, and special mail order only versions that I never knew existed.  Even unnamed Transformers appearing in the 1980s cartoon for only a few seconds have been turned into toys complete with character names and backstories.  It had me wondering how many individual Transformers were out there.  I couldn't find a definitive number but a few websites said over 6,000 and counting.  Such a display of materialism made my heart sink.

Okay, now you're just making stuff up.

I may have enjoyed playing with these toys as a kid, but trying to purchase them for Christmas was a huge burden for my parents.  Between Star Wars, G.I. Joe, and Transformers, the toy companies were placing a lot of unrealistic desires into our little minds.  Do parents risk seeing disappointment in their kids' faces if a toy they ask for is left off of Santa's list?  What about all the joy they'll express when that favorite toy is under the tree?  Clearly, there's a lot of psychology that goes into the commercialization of Christmas but the bottom line is always the same:  How do we make money off the holiday?

When my mother was a child, Christmases were much more humble.  Getting an orange in your stocking was a real treat since the fruit wasn't widely available at the time.  Everyone survived not having armies of plastic action figures or the latest talking doll because they were never told they needed them in the first place.  My uncle once said, “We were poor but we never felt poor.”  Happiness or disappointment wasn't as closely tied to the buying and selling of stuff as it is now.

Yet even back then, some worried about the increasing commercialism starting to overtake the true meaning of the holiday.  Stan Freberg's Green Chri$tma$ may have been released in 1958, but its message is more relevant than ever.  Along those same lines was Ode To Christmas by local television personality Chuck Kraemer.  The feature which aired during the 1980s on WCVB was a lengthy list of brand names and products creatively strung together but ending with the question, “Good Lord.  What have we done to Christmas?”

A song so accurate, it was banned for many years.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pZ44t3UDjGs

If it wasn't for A Charlie Brown Christmas, I don't think I'd hear mainstream society utter one word about the holiday's true meaning.  The season is filled with news reports about shopping and that “must have” gadget of the year.  There's the obligatory interview with a shopping mall representative and when sales are down, headlines decry the “retail woes” plaguing the country.  If Charlie Brown was trying to warn us about the commercialization of Christmas, I don't think many people got the message.  Now we see larger and larger holiday light displays that have nothing to do with Jesus.  Good grief!

Oh, no.  My own neighbor gone commercial.  (There's even an inflatable Snoopy at far left)

As Christians we are told to travel light because possessions have a tendency to weigh our souls down especially if we let things get out of hand.  A few people are actually trying to acquire all 6,000+ Transformers and their collections take up entire rooms.  I look at the two boxes of Transformers that are stored in my basement and feel manipulated.  When Hasbro wanted to sell us a whole new line of Transformers, they decided to kill off many beloved older characters in 1986's The Transformers: The Movie.  The film's unexpected violence upset a lot children including me and I stopped collecting the toys shortly thereafter.  If they had no qualms about shattering a kid's fantasy world, what else didn't they care about?

It's odd living in a society where the economy would collapse if everyone started celebrating Christmas in humble but meaningful ways.  Christ's teachings don't sell 6,000+ Transformers but if we are to untangle commercialism from the true meaning of the holiday, then maybe we should ask ourselves if all these material possessions give us lasting happiness.  Today's much desired Christmas gifts just might end up as long-forgotten clutter in your basement.

The War On Christmas Starts With You

Recently, a lengthy debate erupted on my hometown's Facebook page regarding the phrase: Happy Holidays.  Some said the greeting was meant to be more inclusive while others felt it was part of an effort to water down the real meaning of Christmas.

A few people refused to believe a “war on Christmas” existed and blamed bitter Christians for stirring up trouble.  Some asserted Christmas wasn't even a religious holiday.  (If Christmas isn't a religious holiday then why do many of us go to church to celebrate it?)  Against my better judgment, I decided to join the conversation.

I explained the “war on Christmas” controversy was started by Christians who felt the true meaning of their holiday was being twisted in an effort to remove any trace of Jesus.  One lady responded by listing her many grievances with Christianity.  As I defended my faith, she said I was uninformed and called my religion a lie and a fairy tale.

How quickly the truth surfaced.  This debate wasn't about a simple holiday greeting.  It was about bashing Christianity and pushing people like me into the closet.  Another woman chimed in and her statements only proved this point.  She asked:

“Why would you care what anyone else thinks about Christmas?  If you believe it's a holy day to celebrate the birth of Jesus then celebrate.  Why involve everyone else?”

As she continued to comment, the answer to her initial question was revealed:

“At this point Christmas isn't about Jesus, it's about buying stuff and getting stuff.  It's about who can brainwash shoppers into buying their goods.”

Why do I care what anyone else thinks of Christmas?  Her shallow view of the holiday is why.  Christmas celebrates the birth of a man who shunned materialism and convinced his followers to do the same but mainstream society uses the season to “brainwash shoppers into buying their goods.”  That should give any Christian cause for concern.

Does this real ad for a surf shop offend you?

If we commemorated Martin Luther King Day by shopping for bargains while at the same time never mentioning a thing about civil rights, I think more than a few people would be upset.  Yet I can go the entire Christmas season without hearing the name Jesus outside of Mass.  Many will work themselves into a frenzy shopping for presents sometimes waiting in line for hours (or even days) to get the best deals.  It's: “If you have two coats, give one to somebody who has none.” Not: “Buy one coat, get the second one free.”

The woman on Facebook added:

“True Christians should shun the commercialism and celebrate it quietly without buying things and involving non-Christians.”

She's only half right because in her statement we see the other problem with people who deride Christians for wanting to acknowledge the true meaning of Christmas.  Those calling for tolerance, inclusion and respect often don't extend the offer to Christianity.  Instead a visceral hatred for the faith emerges usually from “recovering” Christians.  It's interesting to note that no one on Facebook seemed to have a problem with how Islam and Judaism celebrate their religious holidays.  We don't see a movement to secularize Hanukkah and rename the menorahs found on public property Holiday Candelabras.  Rainbow flags freely hang from government buildings and anyone who is offended by this is called a hatemonger.  Yet Christians are told to worship quietly...to not impose their beliefs on anyone.

One of the cornerstones of Christianity is LIVING your faith...during the holidays and in everyday life.  Jesus warns us not to light a lamp and then hide it under a basket but many Christians do just that by being lukewarm and refusing to confront the materialism that permeates the Christmas season.  I'm not saying we need to rid the world of Santa, Christmas trees and gift-giving but these things should be put into a proper perspective.

There are those who under the guise of tolerance and inclusion would like to see Christianity disappear.  If you think there's no such thing as a war on Christmas, you're sorely mistaken.  Isn't it time we stopped being afraid to celebrate our faith?

Now Popular With Russians

Blogging has been a pretty interesting experience so far but one quirk that keeps popping up is the number of page views this site gets from Russia.  I'd like to think my observations as a single Catholic have somehow gained an international following but that would be a bit delusional.

Apparently, this phenomenon is quite common and after doing a little research on the subject, I discovered my sudden uptick in the blogosphere is caused by spambots.  So to all the humans who have stumbled upon my site or all the spambots who are up to no good....happy reading. :)

The Bittersweet Autumn

 Living in New England makes you keenly aware of how the different seasons play upon your mood.  To some, winter is a time for skiing and cozy nights by the fire but for others it brings a bone-chilling cold and the misery of shoveling dirty snow.  Summer can mean lazy days at the beach and delicious lobster rolls but also oppressive humidity, sunburns and sheltering in air conditioned rooms.  Many New Englanders have a love / hate relationship with the seasons and they aren't shy when it comes to complaining about it.  Winter lasts far too long, spring is filled with rain and by the time summer arrives, there's only a few months to enjoy it.

Hot apple cider.  Yum.

Autumn is one of my favorite times of the year but it too is short-lived especially if you consider Halloween its own season.  In addition to the brightly colored foliage on trees, I love the wonderful palate found in fall fashions.  It's cold enough to keep the biting and stinging insects of summer away yet warm enough to wear that lightweight jacket with a nice sweater.  A few mild days usually pop up which allows for a stylish layered look without all the bulky winter clothes.  There are delicious seasonal foods like warm apple cider donuts and pumpkin pie as well as Thanksgiving dinner.  A walk in the forest might reveal the distinctive smell of a wood-burning stove.  Then there are the spicy scents of candles and potpourri.

Despite all the wonderful things the season has to offer, there is a downside.  The days get much shorter bringing long shadows and harsh sunlight by late afternoon.  Early darkness means you simply can't do as much outside.  Fall reminds us winter is just around the corner with ice-cold breezes and a frost that kills summer flowers.  (Sometimes it even snows in October!)  The season can bring its fair share of regret when you realize the year is almost over.

Russell Orchards seen during an autumn afternoon.

Of course, for this lost sheep, none of what autumn has to offer can be experienced without the taint of loneliness.  One rite of the season is a trip to Russell Orchards in the town of Ipswich, MA.  From a quaint barn complete with fireplace, they sell all kinds of wonderful pies, ciders, and wines in addition to their signature apple cider donuts.  The place embodies autumn in New England but it also fills me with a yearning.  How I long to sip hot apple cider by the toasty fire with a girlfriend but thoughts of all those lost years spent without a significant other inevitably sink in.  I have been going to Russell Orchards for a long time...even when it was called Goodale Orchards.

An empty rail trail with low shadows.

An autumn bicycle ride on the local rail trail can be nice but it also brings feelings of extreme isolation when I traverse the lightly traveled stretches.  With no other souls around, the quiet makes you feel like the last person left on earth.  If I had a girlfriend, a ride on the trail wouldn't be so lonely.

This Thanksgiving, I celebrated the holiday with only my mother.  We had a peaceful dinner and the food was tasty but I couldn't stop thinking about how alone she would be if I had not been there.  Since my dad passed away, Thanksgivings have a tinge of sadness to them and that empty seat at the dinning room table is a constant reminder of our loss.  If I had a wife and kids, the holiday would be much more festive instead of feeling like two people desperately trying to make the best of a bad situation.

During the season, I sometimes think of the song Forever Autumn by Justin Hayward.  Lyrics like “The winter winds will be much colder now you're not here” highlight how miserable fall can be without that special someone to share it with.  A few people in the Church like to say singleness is a gift.  They claim our lives can be just as happy and fulfilled as married people.  I beg to differ.  When you feel deep down that you were meant to share your life with another and bring new life into the world then singleness can feel like a curse.  I've had my fair share of lonely autumns and I'm pretty tired of it.

Easy For Them To Say

This fall, I attended a church function that attracted several priests as well as the new vicar for the north region of Massachusetts.  Most of the guests had not arrived yet but a priest I never met before started chatting with me.  His name was Fr. John MacInnis, pastor of Saint John the Baptist Church in Peabody, MA.  He told me a little about his parish then I decided to ask if his church had many young people.  (How could I have this blog and not ask that!)  He said there weren't many but his parish was starting to reach out to some of the young families who came to Mass.  I asked, “What about the young adults like me who are still single?”  Fr. John didn't have much of an answer for me.  I mentioned how the last couple of parishes that I belonged to didn't have anything for single young adults either adding, “I'm not even a young adult anymore.  I'm 43.”  He said 40 was still young and then assured me there was still time to have a family.  I didn't share that optimistic outlook and his comment reminded me of a conversation with another priest that took place a few years ago.

St. Mary Star of the Sea in Beverly, MA entered into the Boston Archdiocese's collaborative plan in June of 2013 and our new pastor at the time, Fr. Mark Mahoney held a “town meeting” with parishioners a few months later.  I approached him after the gathering to discuss my concerns about the plight of young adult singles.  I mentioned my calling to be married and never having the desire to be a priest.  I asked why no one at Mass ever openly prayed for single Catholics and then let him know that at 40 years of age, I felt the time to have a family was quickly slipping away.

Fr. Mark started off by saying he felt the sacrament of marriage was just as important as the priesthood because the bride and groom sacrificed for each other in a way that was very Christ-like.  He explained the Archdiocese instructed parishes to pray for priestly vocations at Mass.  Then he tried to reassure me by saying people were getting married much later these days so being single in your 40s isn't out of the ordinary now.  Fr. Mark suggested St. Mary's could initiate a day of service for the young adults of the parish but as the months passed, nothing ever came of it.

What struck me about both conversations was the lack of urgency.  I was basically told not to worry because 40 is the new 20.  It was painfully obvious these priests could understand what single Catholics had to endure on an intellectual level but they didn't seem to fully appreciate the real weight of our struggles.  40 is 40.

Had I fallen in love, married and raised a family even ten years ago, think of all the memories and experiences I'd have.  Instead there's a decade filled with loneliness, isolation and anxiety.  My dad passed away in 2012 and never lived to see any grandchildren from me and that hurts.  With ten years behind me, I am no closer to being married and now I wonder if my mother will be around to see my grandchildren.  Having a family later in life means higher health risks and lower energy levels.  Do priests think about these things when they so easily dispense such glib advice?

If you check out some of the various Catholic dating websites and chat rooms, you'll see a lot of desperation out there.  So many singles feel the clock is running out on their dreams of falling in love, getting married and having kids...and for many women, it's a biological clock.  Some may ask why the Church should be responsible for getting us a date.  Well, in many ways it's because of the Church that we don't have dates.

People like me are causalities of the culture war but many priests don't even want to admit we exist let alone help us.  Society has become more liberal and secular over the last few decades and when you embrace Catholic values, it seriously limits the dating pool.  If the goal of New Evangelization is to renew our congregations and place more butts in the pews, then priests should make helping Catholic singles a top priority instead of brushing our heartfelt concerns aside.

Who Are They Saving?

Preachers and tourists argue in Salem, MA.

As kids, we celebrated Halloween with such sweet innocence.  A lot of thought was put into choosing a costume and our parents went above and beyond helping us create something wonderful to wear.  Trick-or-treating was magical and we traveled down as many streets as we could in the pursuit of free candy.  Neighborhoods were alive with activity and it lasted pretty late into the night.  Upon our return home, we were filled with joy as we looked over our haul of treats.

When I got too old for trick-or-treating, handing out candy was nice because I knew how much fun these kids were having.  Then at some point, the number of trick-or-treaters dwindled significantly until our street saw no visitors at all.  After a couple of years of waiting for nonexistent trick-or-treaters, I decided to check out the Halloween festivities in the city of Salem, MA.

Nicknamed “the witch city” for its connection to the infamous witch trials of the 1690s, the community has capitalized on its spooky notoriety with Halloween-themed festivities throughout October culminating in a large gathering of costumed revelers on the holiday itself.  Dressing in costume and seeing so many others joining in recaptured some of that innocent childhood magic from long ago and I have attended Halloween in Salem ever since.  Sometimes a friend tags along but even if I go by myself, it's a lot of fun.  You basically spend the night walking around a few streets in the downtown to people-watch.
  

I fail to see what is so sinful about this intricate Hawkgirl costume.  Source: Flickr

The only thing that mars this wonderful time is a very confrontational group of evangelical preachers.  They proclaim the Word of God by shouting into a bullhorn and holding strongly-worded signs.  They talk about how we are going to burn in hell if we don't repent and follow Christ.  Instead of gaining converts, however, their approach completely backfires.

Their scornful proselytizing takes a lot of people by surprise and soon a crowd gathers not to listen but to argue.  Some even mock these evangelicals with satirical costumes and placards.  Atheists come forward to challenge their beliefs while others including a few Christians simply express disapproval of the preachers' fire and brimstone tactics.  Videos on Youtube show how negatively people react including a little girl who tells them to shut up.

Some people come prepared to confront the preachers with satire.  Source: Flickr

Of course, this does not phase any of the evangelicals and they continue to yell into their bullhorns.  I'm sure swirling in the back of their minds are verses like, “Blessed are you when people hate you and when they exclude you and revile you and spurn your name as evil, on account of the Son of Man.”  However, the passage they should pay attention to is “be as harmless as doves.”

The preachers are doing much harm in the name of Christianity but in their arrogance, they just can't see it.  In their stubbornness, they refuse to stop.  If strangers walk by who know very little about Jesus, what are they more likely to respond to...kindness and compassion or yelling and condemnation?  (If you don't know the answer to that question, then I feel sorry for you.)  What if someone visiting Salem that night was open to learning more about Christianity but got turned off by all the harsh rhetoric?  If the goal of these evangelicals is to reach people, then they don't seem to care about the end results.

There comes a time to call out evil and stand firm against sin.  Halloween in Salem is not one of those times.  Most people who visit the city in October just want to have a little fun and escape the drudgery of daily life by channeling their God-given creativity into marvelous costumes.  There's NOTHING evil about that.  Yet these preachers are far too quick to condemn us without even getting to know who we are.  I go to church every week and pray regularly but I'm sure they would lump me into the same handbasket of damned souls.  By doing so, they are thoughtlessly judging others and that's not very Christ-like. 

Apparently, these preachers travel to college campuses and have even staked out the White House.  Sadly, they devolve the act of spreading the Gospel into a circus sideshow.  They stoke confrontation and cause ordinary people to lash out against them.  I doubt that little girl on Youtube would react this way if they were espousing Christian love. 

These preachers give Christianity a bad name.  They need to humble themselves and realize what they are doing does very little to propagate the faith.  Just stop it.

Render Unto God...

 After months of enduring negative political ads and mean-spirited Facebook posts, election day has finally arrived.  As pundits struggle to sensationalize every little percentage point on the news, I sit in a quiet darkened bedroom and collect my thoughts.

Some people are so political, they feel the need to express unsolicited opinions on a daily basis whether we want to hear it or not.  For the better part of a year, my Facebook page has been cluttered with vicious one-sided political arguments.  Some posts might have a ring of truth to them while others suffer from huge gaps in logic.  “This candidate is a bigot.”  “That candidate is corrupt.”  “The country will be ruined if X or Y is elected.”  Such a constant stream of negativity seems commonplace as people move into their own little political camps where a difference of opinion is not tolerated.

We all have our own viewpoints but I rarely post anything political to my personal Facebook page.  Honestly, what good does it do?  If a person comes out swinging and has a lack of respect for the other side are they likely to change someone's mind?  I may not agree with everything my friends and acquaintances believe in but I know them well enough to understand why they hold the beliefs they do.  Many of them can't seem to muster up that same level of understanding, though.

There are those rare times when I do take issue with what other people have posted.  Maybe I felt their post was too offensive or perhaps the analogy they used didn't seem accurate.  What usually happens is the person's friends swoop in like vultures to pounce.  On one occasion, someone's response to my argument was simply, “Fuck you.”  No debate.  No discussion.  Just hit below the belt and leave.  What really bothered me was the fact that my friend made no effort to rein in this rude behavior.

After sparring with more vultures on another post, I asked them, “Do you have any friends with different political beliefs?”  The roundabout response they gave was basically, “No.”  That's a problem.  More than a few people on Facebook have said, “If you support Candidate X then I have to unfriend you.”

It's becoming a knee-jerk nation where whole segments of the population never have to deal with anyone from the other side.  George Orwell once wrote, “The best books...are those that tell you what you know already.”  Today people use the internet to merely confirm what they already believe.  Think Candidate Y is like Hitler?  There are websites that will back up that claim.  Think Candidate Y isn't anything like Hitler?  We can find websites to defend that angle as well.

What gets lost is critical thinking.  Whenever someone hurls the word “divisive” around, I often wonder if they bother to look in the mirror.  By some strange coincidence, the people who are the most misinformed about an issue usually turn out to be the ones who disagree with you.  No need to examine your own viewpoints, however.

We have certainly rendered an obscene amount of time, money, and energy to Caesar lately but what are we rendering to God?  When the election results are in, will there be nothing but gloating and sour grapes?  You can still be a good Christian no matter who is president and part of that is treating each other with mutual respect.  The early Christians managed to persevere under the harsh realities of the Roman Empire.  What's our excuse?

Trek As Religion

I may have enjoyed reruns of Star Trek growing up but it was just one of the many television shows that were part of my childhood.  This would all change in high school.

For much of the 1970s, Trekkies were stuck watching the same old episodes in syndication but an animated series and feature film appeared before the decade's end.  After a few sequels, the franchise returned to television during my last year of middle school with Star Trek: The Next Generation.  The show was interesting but the first two seasons were a bit lacking.

Then for several reasons, I found myself embracing Star Trek like never before starting in 1989.  Star Trek V: The Final Frontier was in theaters and I thoroughly enjoyed it even though most fans didn't.  A new comic book series followed and that further captured my attention.

A few months later, I discovered FASA Corporation's Star Trek role playing game and all bets were off.  The company produced beautiful model ships which blended seamlessly with the established designs from the original series and movies.  Game supplements were well-written and highly imaginative.  FASA took elements from the original and animated series, books, and movies to create a very detailed Star Trek universe where past inconsistencies and errors were creativity explained.  In many ways, what they produced was far better than anything coming out of the Paramount Pictures studios.  FASA's products even inspired me to create my own characters and storylines.

Some of FASA's ship designs are still beloved to this day.

Eventually Star Trek: The Next Generation hit its stride and I really identified with the character of Lt. Barclay whose awkward shyness masked a very creative soul.  As I continued to feel lost in high school, Star Trek spoke to me in ways my Catholic religion didn't.  It presented a positive vision for humanity where profound questions about life were asked and the petty pursuits of this world were a thing of the past.

While Star Trek helped fill a void in my life, it also created a fair amount of isolation.  Building detailed models of starships was hard work that required countless hours of alone time.  I started wearing Star Trek pins on my Bishop Fenwick sweaters hoping to attract the attention of other fans but this only gave my bullies ammunition.  While friends listened to bands like U2, I was checking out soundtracks from the Star Trek films which featured classical music.  I nearly wore out my VCR watching the shows and movies over and over again. 

I eventually realized there just weren't any other die-hard Trekkies in high school.  Here was this wonderfully intricate universe of science fiction yet I couldn't talk to very many people about it.  Now I had an ax to grind.  I felt if my fellow classmates didn't appreciate Star Trek then they were rejecting me.  My love of the franchise turned into a shield that kept people at a safe distance.  If I felt left out of a conversation, I would make an obscure Star Trek reference to get back at them.  To some, I was becoming cold and insensitive.  In our teens we often fail to see how others perceive us.

At the time, being a geek was not very cool.  That's why I am amazed by how accepting society is today of all the things that made us outcasts.  During a visit to the 2016 Boston Comic Con, I saw plenty of people dressed as characters from Star Trek and a good number of them were female.  I thought to myself, "Where were these girls when I was getting teased in high school?"  From models to books to video games, the sheer economic power of today's geekdom is staggering.  However, it's also a double-edged sword.

Star Trek is supposed to be a universe where materialism does not matter but you'd never know it by all the merchandising fans lap up.  Will a Jean-Luc Picard bobblehead doll really bring fulfillment?  Doubtful.  Many place science fiction on a pedestal so high, it starts to resemble a religion.  I once knew a fan of Star Wars who watched the movies so much, it was like his version of going to Mass.

For a while, I too worshiped at the "altar of Trek" but in the end, it didn't lead to true happiness.  The time and energy I spent building model ships just wasn't worth it to me anymore.  FASA Corporation's license to produce Star Trek products was revoked by Paramount Pictures because the studio disagreed with certain aspects of the company's storylines.  Yet subsequent television shows like Voyager and Enterprise seemed to lack creativity.  The current movie reboots are just plain schlocky.

I've been a recovering Trekkie for many years now and while I still think it's important to be young at heart and have hobbies, there needs to be a balance.  Lately, society seems more juvenile than ever.  Are we even seeing the challenges that lie in front of us?  Time spent watching the same movie over and over again could be spent helping the poor or defending a cause.  How are we ever going to realize that positive vision for humanity if we don't do anything meaningful in the here and now to make it happen?

The Joy of Female Friends

Many claim men and women can't be friends because sooner or later the sexual tension between them will be too great.  A search of the internet reveals scientific studies that confirm this but other findings refute it.  Television shows and movies like Friends, New Girl and When Harry Met Sally have the platonic relationships of the characters turn into bed-hopping adventures.  Even Scully and Mulder of the X-Files crossed out of the friend-zone after years of speculation from fans.  I have to laugh at all this because in high school, I was blessed with many opposite-sex friendships.

Bishop Fenwick offered an advanced creative writing class that was open to underclassmen.  Here I got to know a fellow student named Sharon who was a year ahead of me and soon friendship developed.  We also shared the same study session in the cafeteria so as everyone else separated into groups by gender, we sat together.  Eventually her friend Christine joined us and we had a wonderful time hanging out. 

Nothing about our friendship seemed odd or unnatural because it was rooted in mutual respect.  We were all somewhat nerdy so topics of conversation tended to be more intellectual.  These female friends were a breath of fresh air since they allowed me to be more emotionally honest.  Gone was the stifling machismo usually found among my male friendships.

A rendition of the alternative
 clique from our yearbook 

Sharon was good friends with a fellow classmate of mine named Jen and we eventually found ourselves joining her much larger group of girls during lunch.  Most of these kids were part of an alternative clique that existed in the early 90s even though it didn't really have a name.  Some of us labeled them “artsy” or “progressives” because they dressed differently, were into art and literature and shunned the bubblegum pop music of the day.  They resembled Jane Lane from the TV show Daria which debuted a few years after my time at Bishop Fenwick.

Jane Lane from Daria.

Most of these “progressives” had a grudge against the Catholic Church and felt out of place in parochial school.  One girl was very sexual and took it upon herself to promote safe sex and gay rights while another read the Bible just to highlight all the misogynistic passages.  Perhaps it was their way of rebelling against an environment they dreaded. I embraced them anyway because we still had a lot in common.  Whatever their opinion of Catholic doctrine, it wasn't going to change my beliefs.  They knew where I stood and some of them respected my opinions even if they didn't agree with me.  Among these friends, I could be myself and not get judged for it.

Being the only guy in a group of girls didn't bother me because at the time I believed any differences between men and women were mostly societal.  Did our friendships hit the brick wall of biology?  Not really.  The term “friends with benefits” didn't exist and many of us were still somewhat innocent about life.  (Since there was no internet back then, society was a bit more innocent too.)  Sure, the occasional fantasy entered my mind but we just weren't compatible enough to seriously consider crossing any lines.  Besides, I loved my female friends like sisters and didn't want anything to spoil it.

These unconventional relationships probably caused some classmates to question my sexuality but others thought I was getting inside information when it came to understanding women.  It piqued the curiosity of one of my male friends and soon he joined our lunchroom group.  Having female friends made me feel a lot cooler than I was.  Unfortunately, we rarely got together outside of school since we lived so far away from each other.  (Our parents never had to deal with co-ed sleepovers but that would become a topic of conversation in society many years later.)

Female friendships weren't limited to fellow classmates.  During my senior year, the guys in my study session “adopted” a small group of juniors who sat at the table next to us.  These girls had been amused by our conversations so we decided to start talking to each other.

While there are many horror stories of opposite-sex friendships gone wrong, my experiences with them in high school were largely positive.  Perhaps I'm more sensitive than many of my male counterparts who frequent strip clubs and sleep around.  One psychological experiment highlighted the differences between males and females by separating toddlers from a toy with a plexiglas barrier.  Boys typically hit the divider while girls tended to cry.  However, there was a small percentage from both genders who did the exact opposite.  When one of my cousins got married, the groom chose a female friend to be his best man.  Maybe guys like us are the exception to the rule.  It's difficult to say but no friendship can work if you're missing two key ingredients: trust and respect.

Not Of These Times

I'm not ashamed to be a child of “the 80s” because it was such a wonderful time despite being short-lived. The decade took a little while to find its voice but by 1983, the disco tunes, gaudy patterns and odd earthy colors of the 1970s had been surpassed by something truly new. Turning on the radio meant you'd hear great music usually influenced by synthesizers. Going to the movies often filled you with a sense of adventure and there was always something to watch on the small screen like cool music videos. My wardrobe reflected the spirit of G.I. Joe with army surplus camouflage but it also included corduroy and the timeless combination of bluejeans and t-shirts. At times, “the 80s” could get a bit hokey but at least this new aesthetic was original.

As early as 1986, I noticed some of the things that made the 80s great start to wane and by the time I entered high school two years later, something was really off. The cool new wave and synthpop I loved seemed to be replaced with rather bland music and it only got worse as the years rolled on.

Songs from 1988 that stand out in my mind as being pretty annoying were:

Bobby Brown "My Prerogative"

Boy Meets Girl “Waiting for a Star to Fall”

New Kids on the Block “You Got It (The Right Stuff)”

Paula Abdul “Straight Up”

Rob Base and DJ E-Z Rock “It Takes Two”

Tracks from 1989 that I really disliked included:

After 7 “Can't Stop”

Donna Summer "This Time I Know It's For Real"
Lisa Stansfield “You Can't Deny It”

Milli Vanilli "Girl You Know It's True"

Taylor Dayne “Love Will Lead You Back”

Unfortunately, the 80s were suffering from an identity crisis. Everyone seemed to be in a hurry to discard many of the things that had made the decade great but nothing wonderful was being created in its stead. This could clearly be seen in the changing fashions of the late 1980s. Watch an episode of Miami Vice from the first two seasons and you'll see nicely coordinated pastels but skip ahead to the later seasons and dark colors with loud patterns seem to be the norm.

Miami Vice early on in the series.

The color palate definitely shifted in later seasons.

In high school, the dress code reflected this shift too. Some of the cool kids liked to wear parachute pants and oddly colored dress shirts with garish patterns but thankfully a mandatory Bishop Fenwick sweater covered most of it up. (The eponymous television show character Parker Lewis regularly wore these shirts too.) One male student had a black crossover tie that was held together in the center with a diamond stud pin. His outfit highlighted the terrible sense of style we had to deal with...a style that was very different from the jeans, camouflage and corduroy pants that were prevalent not too long ago.

Parker Lewis and his patterned shirt.

My school wardrobe was pretty subdued and usually consisted of khaki pants with either striped dress shirts or turtlenecks. Later on I followed in my brother's footsteps and started wearing the occasional bolo tie as a nod to that alternative 80s look.

The overuse of hair spray was also popular among many of the female students at Bishop Fenwick. The 80s might have been famous for the stereotype of “big hair” but I never noticed this until high school. It was not a good look.

After a while, I felt trapped in these times instead of being a part of them. I had loved growing up in the 80s but that distinctive era just didn't seem to exist anymore.  In 1989, the school was going to have a "remember the 80s" dance featuring much of the music I once enjoyed. This was one dance I really wanted to attend but it was canceled due to a lack of interest.

As the decade passed into history, 1990 brought more music that I just couldn't stand:

Bell Biv Devoe “Poison”

Deee-Lite “Groove Is In The Heart”

Linear “Sending All My Love”

Mariah Carey “Vision of Love”

Maxi Priest “Close to You”
Sinéad O'Connor "Nothing Compares 2 U"

Snap “I’ve Got The Power”

Soulsister “The Way to Your Heart”

Suzanne Vega and DNA “Tom's Diner”
Wilson Phillips "Hold On"

I first heard Bell Biv Devoe's “Poison” during a school talent show. As a few of the cool kids danced on stage in their parachute pants, I wondered what the hell happened to mainstream music.

Annoying songs I remember from 1991 include:

Another Bad Creation “Iesha”

Bryan Adams "(Everything I Do) I Do It For You"
Boyz II Men “End of the Road”

Color Me Badd “I Wanna Sex You Up”

Vanessa Williams “Best for Last”

Some artists would distance themselves from all this “corporately produced” music ultimately giving rise to the genre known as grunge. I was not a fan of this either.

Being an outcast at Bishop Fenwick was bad enough but feeling very disconnected from society itself only added to my feelings of isolation. I found myself listening to doo-wop on the oldies station and new age and smooth jazz on an easy listening station. Later on, I stumbled upon college radio and while much of what they played was just plain weird, I did enjoy a weekly Celtic music show and an oldies show that featured very obscure tracks. When it came to the mainstream, I was no longer buying what society force-fed everyone else.