A Mother Knows

Fr. James Nyhan

Sometimes we see a darker side in people who are universally loved and respected.  Does this mean our perspective is wrong?

My mother's first time inside Bishop Fenwick High School was when she helped me purchase books at the start of my freshman year.  We passed the chaplain, Fr. Jim Nyhan, in the hallway as he was clowning around with a male student.  I didn't think much of it but later on my mother told me to be careful of that priest because she got the impression he was a pervert.  She explained, “Look at the way he was touching that boy.”  At times I had seen Fr. Jim engage in horseplay with some students but it was mostly quick hugs or a pat on the shoulders.  My mother said, “He was rubbing the kid's stomach!”  That raised a red flag in her mind and she added, “Don't ever let him touch you like that.  If he does, come to me and I'll handle it.”  You didn't want to mess with my mother.

There weren't many interactions with Fr. Jim during my years at Bishop Fenwick.  Maybe my mother's cautionary words created some kind of distance or perhaps it was because I felt like an outcast.  Even though I wanted to deepen my Catholic faith, being bullied had made me skeptical of Fenwick's squeaky-clean image and any talk of showing your school spirit made me want to run in the other direction.

In many ways, Fr. Jim was the embodiment of school spirit.  He was a very outgoing priest who led Masses in the auditorium, taught religion class, and even drove a school bus during away games.  A scholarship was later established in his name.  If anyone had expressed misgivings about him, they would have risked criticism by going against popular sentiment.  As it turned out, however, my mother's first impression of Fr. Jim was correct.

Abuse allegations against Fr. Nyhan surfaced a few years after my graduation from Bishop Fenwick and in April of 2006, he pleaded guilty to three counts of committing a lewd act on a minor between 1979 and 1980.  Reports said he would arouse himself by getting into wrestling matches with his victims and rubbing up against them.  “I feel badly this colored my otherwise fruitful stay in Charleston,” Fr. Nyhan said much to the dismay of his victims who were expecting a more contrite apology.  The plea deal spared Fr. Jim jail time and he did not have to register as a sex offender.

It's interesting that my mother figured out in 5 seconds what many couldn't see at all.  She feels the priesthood would be a much healthier institution if priests were allowed to marry.  My mother often says Jesus chose married men to be among His disciples including Peter, the first Pope.  Also, there are a small number of married Catholic priests who converted from other denominations.  For most parents, protecting their children is not an intellectual exercise.  When the Church received the first reports of sexual abuse at the hands pedophile priests, a visceral desire for justice was lacking.  Instead, the problem was analyzed and then covered up.  Ultimately, lawyers and reporters had to drag the Church kicking and screaming into the light.  Can unmarried celibate priests truly understand the pain felt by parents of children who have been victimized?  Their slow reaction to the sex scandal tells me no.

I spoke with a friend from high school recently and he revealed a disheartening story about Fr. Jim.  Like me, this friend wanted to deepen his Catholic faith so he sought out our chaplain to discuss becoming a Eucharistic minister.  Instead of offering encouragement, Fr. Jim wondered why he wasn't satisfied in his faith and why simply going to Mass wasn't enough.  The awkward conversation threw my friend for a loop.  Needless to say, he never became a Eucharistic minister and the seeds of doubt sown by Fr. Jim that day led him to question his Catholic faith so much so that he became an atheist years later.  What really troubled this former classmate was the deceptiveness of outward appearances since some of the most “holy” in our school were insensitive behind closed doors.  While many of Fr. Nyhan's former students and parishioners were shocked by his admission of guilt in 2006, some of us weren't surprised at all.

Going against the accepted beliefs of the in-crowd usually invites isolation and after a while, you can start to question what's in your heart.  Being a black sheep doesn't necessarily mean you're wrong, though.  Sometimes it means in a climate of phoniness, you can still see the truth.

The Dignity and Indignity of Work

My first foray into the workforce was as a paperboy.  With a large satchel slung over my shoulder, I made the rounds on foot and quickly learned the nuances of each customer.  Tips bolstered my meager wage but a few people weren't that generous.  Some of my earnings purchased a G.I. Joe aircraft carrier which my parents refused to buy since it was huge and expensive.  Making a little bit of money at that age gave me a sense of empowerment.  Sadly, this traditional first job for many kids has been phased out over the years as adults started delivering newspapers in cars.  (Those early morning drivers seem to have vehicles with broken mufflers!)

During the first year of high school, my parents got me a job as a bagger at a small neighborhood grocery store even though I didn't want to work there.  The establishment was famous for their butcher shop and bakery and they catered to an exclusive clientele.  It was quite a culture shock.  Many customers lived on estates and came from old money.  Some spoke with a Boston Brahmin accent while others shopped in the riding gear they had worn to polo matches at the nearby Myopia Hunt Club.

The store's high level of customer service was supposed to offset its high prices.  Baggers not only packed the groceries, they wheeled them out to customers' automobiles with a special cart.  After loading everything inside, a small tip was encouraged since we only made minimum wage.  50 cents was the average, a dollar was great and a quarter was on the stingy side.  The fancier the customer's car, the cheaper they seemed to be with many Volvo, Mercedes and BMW drivers opting not to tip at all.  These wealthy shoppers could be very arrogant at times.  Money in my bank account was nice but I really didn't like having my intelligence insulted.

The store also had its fair share of elderly customers and some of them were just plain grumpy.  One lady who walked with crutches complained repeatedly that the Japanese broke her legs when she was a nurse stationed in the Philippines.  Now perhaps this wasn't the best way to introduce herself to a young person whose history class had not covered all the ins and outs of WW II.  I witnessed one customer's inconsiderate behavior bring a cashier to tears.

Tips further dwindled when management regularly took baggers off the floor to do busy work.  Funny how sorting out bottle deposits in a dank and moldy section of the basement never made it into the job description.  Sometimes we found ourselves “helping out” in other departments but our paychecks were not increased accordingly.  Rules were selectively enforced and to top it all off, the same terrible muzak played in the background day in day out.  When you're a young and naive teen, this kind of environment can make you angry and judgmental.  Service with a smile?  Not so much.  If anything, working here taught me how not to treat others.

As Christians, do we see the people serving us as fellow human beings or are they just lowly servants that fade into the background?  The reality TV show Undercover Boss has highlighted some pretty menial jobs but the program also shows how most workers have hopes, dreams and skills that go far beyond their current employment status.  Over the years, my family has become friends with a few of the waitresses at our favorite restaurants.  When we talk, I see beyond their position in life and sometimes they even sit down with us when it's not too busy.  Not everyone has found their dream job yet.  We shouldn't hold that against them.

There are many facets to life: relationships, hobbies, self-improvement, a lifetime of learning.  If a job demands we give up all of those things, then earning a living comes at a very high cost.