Sure, Rub It In

During the intentions at Mass this week, there was a special Valentine's Day prayer for couples who were in love.  I had never heard of such a thing before but it was yet another painful reminder of how singles are excluded from parish life.  This was the same church where I asked why nobody prayed for lonely unattached people like me.

Sitting in the row of pews across from me was a very pregnant young woman and her husband.  (Now that was just throwing salt on an open wound!)  I started to wonder if the guy really knew how lucky he was.  So often, I will see married people who take each other for granted and it seems like the longer people stay together, the more adversarial they are toward each other.  These couples don't give a second thought to something I have desperately longed for.

One of my close friends from high school will celebrate his 20th wedding anniversary in a few days and it has me thinking about all the time I lost by not finding a good woman to marry.  He met his spouse in college and they have so much shared history:  The honeymoon phase, that carefree time when they were a couple without kids, apartment living, renting and then later buying a house, starting a family, new and more successful jobs, moving to a different part of the country, etc.  Throughout all those stages in life, my friend has had someone to offer him comfort and support.  He admitted to me he's a much better man because of her.  I have none of those experiences under my belt.  Do people who dismiss Catholic singles think about these things?

At work, there are a large number of Valentine's Day decorations hanging up.  Everything from candy to cards to stuffed animals.  For couples, these things are cute reminders of the love they share.  For singles like me, they only serve to underscore how much we have missed in our lives.

Two Years Out

The inspiration for this blog can be found here:
  https://christianpundit.wordpress.com/

Yesterday marked the two-year anniversary of this blog.  Many months before the site was created, I found myself spending a great deal of time searching the internet just to see what others had to say about being Christian and single.  Was loneliness weighing heavy on their souls?  Did they think the Church was ignoring them?  Were they frustrated because their parish priests just didn't fully comprehend their woes?  What I found on various Christian blogs, chat rooms and articles was heartbreaking.

A celibate older man who never dated before felt so lonely, he wished for cancer just to put an end to his miserable life.  A woman who had never even kissed a guy wondered if her toddler niece would grow up and lose her virginity first.  One middle-aged virgin was so frustrated, he contemplated hiring a prostitute just to finally get sex over with.  A postmenopausal woman felt betrayed by God because she would never know the joy of bringing life into the world.  There was a great deal of hurt out there and it made me angry.  These singles were miserable because many years ago, they had embraced the Church's teachings.  Now they found themselves abandoned in an ever-shrinking dating pool.

I had thought about blogging for a while but the spirit finally moved me after reading a blog called Christian Pundit (not to be confused with The Christian Pundit).  Its author is a single woman who writes to vent her frustrations and she doesn't care if people perceive her as being too negative.  I thought it was refreshing to see content that wasn't sugarcoated and figured this approach would work for my own blog.  If people found inspiration or wisdom from Long Lost Black Sheep that would be great, but I do not write to gain followers or impress other people.  Posting content is actually cathartic but my two years in the blogosphere has brought its fair share of quirky reactions.

“I agree with you but here's why you're wrong.”  Sometimes readers will complement me on a post but then go on to pick apart its content in rather blunt ways.  I don't mind dissent as long as it's respectful.  Not agreeing with me is one thing.  Passing off your opinions as the Gospel truth is another.

“You're only making yourself more miserable.”  I'm already miserable.  This blog is simply a byproduct of my chronic loneliness.  Those burning desires won't disappear if I suddenly stopped writing.

“We have so much in common.”  If you make this statement but then go on to tell me how different your life is from mine, then we don't have much in common.

Over-sharing  One reader was so happy to find my blog, he started telling me very inappropriate details about his life.  If your sister likes to “chase cock” and your libido has gone way down, I don't want to hear about it.  This blog features moderated comments because some reader remarks were too vulgar.

Bad advice  If you tell me I should be happy as a single person or all I really need is God's love then this blog is not for you.  If you think I should become a priest and / or join a monastery, then this blog REALLY isn't for you.

Insulting  I hoped people would be fairly Christ-like on a Catholic blog but some readers have been just plain rude.  Perhaps they can't see their insensitivity.  Maybe they can but just don't care.  When I told one reader not to comment on this blog anymore, he fired a parting shot by saying I should seek psychological help before I hurt myself.

Reading comprehension  I can tell when someone doesn't read my content very carefully because they will ask me questions that have already been answered.  If I mention my hometown in a post, then you shouldn't be asking me where I'm from.

Invasive  Asking a total stranger if they are still a virgin is pretty inappropriate even for a Catholic blog.  Telling me what is going on in my mind when you don't even know me crosses a line too.

Missing the point  I once spent a great deal of time going back and forth with a reader because he couldn't understand my strong calling to be married (which is a central theme to this blog).  After all was said and done, he still didn't get it.  

Despite all of these quirks, there have been a number of comments from thoughtful and considerate readers.  I'm not looking for people to agree with me but you should be respectful.  Having a blog can be a very personal thing and I think I'm entitled to set some standards.  (The author of Christian Pundit does not allow dissent.)

After two years on the internet, I continue to enjoy putting my thoughts out there.  Who knows how long this site will remain active but there is still much to discuss.

Chain Of Giving

Usually when we donate unwanted items to charity, we have no idea what kind of impact our gift will make.  We assume some good will come from it but we don't really see the people who benefit from our generosity.  Last year, a few of my colleagues decided to buy me a toy as a gag gift.  It was something very specific that related to a hobby of mine but I had absolutely no use for it.  They got a good laugh and then set the toy up in the office for a few hours.  After the novelty quickly wore off, they encouraged me to take it home.  I reluctantly agreed just to be polite and then placed the toy in the basement.

A few days before Christmas, I remembered the gag gift and figured it would be best to donate it to charity.  It was too late in the season to find a Toys for Tots drop box so I took it to Mass with me.  After services, I approached my pastor to ask if he knew of a deserving child who might want it.  He gladly accepted the toy because as luck would have it, a few people who volunteered at a charity for underprivileged children would be attending the next Mass.  I thanked him and then put it out of my mind.

While shaking hands with my pastor after Mass a few weeks later, he said my gift was well-received because it went to a child who had specifically asked his parents for that exact toy but they weren't able to afford it.  When the child opened his gift, not only was he amazed, but his parents were too.  I was pleasantly surprised by the news and told the priest, "That was God using all of us to make things happen."  A sense of comfort that had been absent for a long time filled my soul.  God's ways are often a mystery to me but on this occasion, they seemed very clear.

A chain of giving had been set up to bring a child and his parents some joy during Christmas.  For that moment to have happened, each link in the chain needed to do its part.  What if I had left the toy in the basement?  What if my pastor didn't take time to talk to me after Mass?  What if the charity workers didn't pass that gift along to a needy child?  Sometimes even the smallest efforts are the most important ones.  Perhaps there wouldn't be so much evil in the world if everyone did his or her part to help others.

Many years ago, a priest asked our congregation if we were doing enough to give to the poor.  He wasn't talking about making grand gestures but helping out in small ways.  Were there clothes we never wore just sitting in our closets?  If so, he recommended we go through what we had and donate the items we didn't use, adding that when we parted with our unwanted possessions, it would feel like a weight was lifted off our shoulders.  As a frequent user of thrift stores, I can tell you there were times when what other people donated helped me look professional during financially tough times.  Not only am I incredibly grateful to these donors, I find myself wondering who they were.

Each one of us has a part to play in the chain of giving.  What's critical to keep that chain going is for us to be mindful about those who are in need and how we might help them.