A School In Sheep's Clothing

Bishop Fenwick High School in Peabody, MA

My freshman year at Bishop Fenwick was unremarkable for the most part because I decided to keep a low profile.  The fear of being teased was still on my radar and despite all the speeches during orientation that described Fenwick as a family; I did experience random bullying.  It mostly came down to some of the jocks throwing their weight around by picking on the meek for no apparent reason.

I made a few acquaintances during the first week of classes and when we chose a small table in the cafeteria, a group of jocks decided to commandeer it by sitting right down next to us and telling us to move on.  We felt totally humiliated and sheepishly left to find another table.  Gym class often started with a lap around the football field and I would usually come in second place.  A couple of class clowns decided to call me "Ben Johnson" who was a disgraced Olympic runner accused of using steroids at the time.  So much for earning the respect of others by giving it your all.

The majority of bullying at Bishop Fenwick tended to be more subtle than what I experienced in middle school: a quick insult, a sarcastic laugh or a demeaning look.  Then of course there was being shunned.  I first encountered this during school Masses which took place in the auditorium.  When it came time for the sign of peace, everyone around me bent over backwards to give hearty handshakes to their friends but I was virtually ignored.  Perhaps keeping a low profile had its drawbacks.

One kid who attached himself to our lunchroom group was a bit socially awkward and it really irritated a couple of my peers to the point they just wanted him to stop hanging around us.  Sometimes they would drop hints or ignore him outright.  I didn't think this was right but in my meekness; did nothing to stop it.  One day he approached me in confidence to ask if everyone in our group disliked him.  I told him the truth and said I didn't have a problem with him but a couple of the other kids did.  He decided to stop hanging around us altogether and ultimately transferred to another school the next year.  One of my friends in the group thanked me for finally getting rid of him but I felt awful inside.

Should I have sat with the shunned student and risked being shunned myself?  Were the kids in my lunchroom group worth having as friends?  If Bishop Fenwick actually lived up to the high-sounding words we heard at orientation, these questions would not have been swirling around in my mind.  I noticed a fair amount of inconsiderate behavior from my fellow students that year.

One of the worst incidents actually happened in math class between a couple of trouble-markers and our rookie teacher.  They horsed around just to get a rise out of him but the situation quickly escalated until finally, one of them put a dent in a filing cabinet.  The teacher was so upset he had a meltdown right in front of us and left the room.  A couple of nuns came in to cancel class and he never returned to the school.  We had been assigned to write him get well notes which made for one very awkward experience.

The trouble was, not everyone attended this school for the same reasons.  I wanted to deepen my faith while others sought academic excellence without the Catholic values.  A good number of students placed a high priority on sports while others desired the prestige of a private education.  A few students didn't even want to be here but their parents felt it would be a good influence on them.  Catholic schools seem all too willing to de-emphasize their core values in order to accommodate everyone.  Looking back, I'm surprised by how little scripture made it into the curriculum.  We did have a great religion teacher named Mr. Dalton but sadly, he left Bishop Fenwick for another job after the first two months of my freshman year.  Subsequent religion classes lacked a solid foundation and seemed to be more "feel good" in nature.

As my sophomore year approached, I held out hope things would improve.  There were still a lot of students I didn't know so perhaps I would fall in with peers who shared similar sensibilities.

My Last Best Hope For Belonging

"A Catholic education is an advantage for life."  I've seen this slogan in various church bulletins over the years but how accurate is the statement and does it reflect a Christ-like view?  It all depends on your perspective.

Attending a pubic elementary school in the early and mid-1980s was a struggle for me academically but those years were also filled with great friendships and fond memories.  I even finished my last two years with good grades thanks to a couple of wonderful teachers.  Pubic middle school on the other hand would be a rude awakening.

In 5th grade, my friends and I were still carrying lunchboxes and playing with Transformers and G. I. Joes because back then kids were still kids.  Yet after a mere three months of summer vacation, we were suddenly expected to put all this stuff away because according to some unwritten rule it just wasn't acceptable in the 6th grade.  We quickly discovered our middle school was filled with cliques of jocks and toughs who had come from other elementary schools and soon I found myself on the receiving end of their bullying.  You'd get teased for wearing the "wrong" style jacket, failing to catch a football in gym class, watching cartoons or just about anything else they could think of.  Asking the faculty for help did little to alleviate the problem and on a couple of occasions, blame was shifted back to me when some of them wondered what I might be doing to not fit in.  I was well on my way to becoming a black sheep and throughout middle school my grades took a nosedive despite a few really great teachers who stood out from the crowd.

The thought of attending the public high school with my bullies wasn't very appealing given the place's bad reputation for fights.  I had taken a summer typing class there and the desks were covered in graffiti.  What really appealed to me was going to a Catholic high school...or at least what I thought a Catholic high school would be.  I envisioned a nurturing environment where teachers and students took their faith seriously and treated each other with kindness and respect.

My older brother attended St. John's Prep. in Danvers but my grades weren't good enough to get past their admissions department.  That suited me just fine because I really didn't like the idea of spending my high school years at an all boys' school.  I felt males and females could learn a lot from each other and in the right environments, their perspectives were complimentary.  I also hoped to find a girlfriend at some point.  Bishop Fenwick High School in Peabody, MA seemed like my best option since it was just a 15 minute drive away.  Admissions accepted my application despite the lack-luster grades and soon I was turning the page on a new chapter in my life where great possibilities awaited.

One of the school's orientation events took place at St. Mary's in Salem and included a church service with Bishop Fenwick's chaplain Fr. Jim Nyhan.  In his sermon he encouraged mutual respect and using a colorful analogy, he said whenever we treated others badly, we only disgraced ourselves.  During another orientation event, students put on a short skit where some of the kids pretended to be nerds while others were jocks but they all stood up for each other and became friends.  This sounded too good to be true.  In many ways it was.

We had been told "Fenwick is family" but during my years at the school, I would discover initial appearances weren’t just inaccurate, at times they could be downright deceptive.  The place did have its fair share of bullies and cliques along with an undercurrent of elitism.  From my perspective, the slogan "A Catholic education is an advantage for life" sounded an awful lot like bragging.