My church fills up with elderly worshipers pretty quickly so if you want to sit in your usual pew, you have to show up about twenty minutes before the Mass begins. Yesterday, my mother and I arrived a little late so we had to sit a few rows back and closer to the middle. As usual, I scanned the room to see if there were any people my age in the sea of old people. Off to the right was a well dressed young lady but she was so far away, I couldn't tell how old she was. As the Mass progressed, I would occasionally glance over to see if she was still there. After communion, our pastor commented on what a good thing it was to have younger people at Mass and then he called the young lady up to the lectern to speak about the subject.
As it turned out, the young woman was with FOCUS, the Fellowship of Catholic University Students. She said young adults were turning away from God in record numbers and FOCUS aimed to change that by providing fellowship and evangelization on college campuses. She explained 23 was a critical age because that's when young people tended to give up on religion. According to her, it was imperative parishioners like us supported FOCUS with financial commitments so they could continue to spread the faith to young minds. I knew there was a catch to having a beautiful young woman show up to Mass!
At the end of services, she stood at the back of the church to talk with parishioners. Again, I felt abandoned by the Church because there's never any help for people who aged out of the young adult category. The next day, I checked out the website for FOCUS. Their tag line was, “You are made for greatness.” It made me think about my college days. In the beginning, I was filled with such hope and felt God was calling me to do something wonderful. By graduation, I was disillusioned and lost. The website explained how FOCUS was on college campuses across the country adding, “...so chances are, we're on yours.” This statement is somewhat inaccurate because in all of Massachusetts, only 4 colleges had FOCUS ministries. We certainly didn't have them at my alma mater.
The website also boasted they were helping young people find the path God had for them and this inspired countless religious vocations and holy, healthy marriages. They asked us to help them reach the hearts and minds of this generation. Once again, people my age were being written off. Too late to help us, I suppose.
The woman from FOCUS told us young people often give up their faith during their college years. Despite my many set backs in college, I still had some faith left inside me. It only diminished later on in life when my pleas for help were largely ignored by several priests who did absolutely nothing to provide fellowship and guidance to this lost sheep. As my mother and I left church, part of me felt like talking to this woman about my struggles but then I figured it wasn't worth the trouble. She was there to get money for her ministry, not to hear about my struggle to find purpose in life.
The whole incident reminded me of a Mass several years ago at my former parish. My mother and I sat in our usual pew off to the right and a beautiful girl who I had never seen before walked up the isle. She turned to me and smiled as she passed by. All during Mass, I wondered who she was. Just before the services had ended, our priest called a young man to the lectern to discuss the plight of Palestinian Christians living in the occupied territories. The girl who had smiled at me was part of this group and they were at our church to sell trinkets in order to raise funds for their charity. My mother and I went downstairs to see what they had to offer. The girl looked at me again and said in a quiet voice, “We meet again.” I pretended not to hear her because she was being friendly just to get money out of me. I later joked to my mother, “The prospects are so bad at St. Mary's, they have to import attractive women from halfway around the world.” In both situations, these females had caught my eye but women like that seem to visit my church only when they want something.
A few months ago, I received a group email from my former parish promoting an event called JESUS aCROSS the Border. Entitled “College Night! Represent Your Current, Former, or Favorite College” it read:
Join JESUS aCROSS the Border, the umbrella organization which unites over 20 different young adult Catholic groups, for its first college campus event! The event is geared towards young adults, 18-35 years of age, but is open to anyone who would like to find out more about the JESUS aCROSS the Border mission.
Despite saying the gathering was open to all, it was clear people my age weren't welcome. Why else would they put an age range in the invitation? My thoughts turned to the young adult pizza nights at my former parish from a few years ago. I had been urged to attend by my deacon but trying to mingle with so many teens and 20 year olds was an incredibly awkward experience. The itinerary for JESUS aCROSS the Border also included pizza.
According to the invitation, the event started with Eucharistic adoration and acoustic praise and worship led by Angelique Bolduc of LIFT Ministries. A young adult Mass followed with Fr. Carlos Suarez as the main Mass celebrant. It made me wonder exactly what a young adult Mass was. Does the priest tailor his sermon around the struggles a college student might face? The “signature networking pizza social” that followed Mass claimed to be “a fantastic opportunity for over 20 Catholic young adult groups to network with one another and for YOU to get to know the many groups out there that are ready to support you in your faith journey!”
After reading the invitation, I wondered why it seemed like every Church event had to hit people over the head with religion. Sometimes we just want to connect with our fellow Catholics in a less rigid setting. When I discussed my struggles as a single with the woman who organized young adult events at my former parish, she suggested Eucharistic adoration and the men's Bible study group. Now if I were feeling lonely and desired the company of a good woman, why on earth would I seek out the men's only group?! Adoration doesn't really allow for any conversation between its participants. It just goes to show you how ill-prepared the Church is when singles like me ask for help.
There are some who believe Christ must be the focal point of every church activity and some studies claim when “feel good” events are placed above those focused on Jesus, parishes wither away. I’ve read other studies where young adults say they became alienated from the Church because activities targeting their age group were too heavy-handed. Frankly, I don't think there's anything wrong with a more relaxed approach when it comes to Catholic social events.
Our regional bishop wrote in his parish's bulletin how surprised he was to learn the average age young people decide to leave the Church was 13. It’s not surprising to me because that’s when many of us start to question life's mysteries and wonder about our place in the world. Wouldn't young people feel more welcomed by a loving community of faith instead of having the Church’s beliefs drilled into them by rote?
The hierarchy must be very worried about the future because now the Pope is actually convening a Synod on Young People, the Faith, and Vocational Discernment to better understand why young people are leaving the faith in droves. I would have loved something like this during my high school and college years but back then, the Church largely took its young people for granted. Now they are trying to play catch up. Will these efforts succeed or is it simply too little too late?
The synod will only focus on Catholics ages 16 to 29 so once again, people like me are not welcome. We are the forgotten and the Church does not want to acknowledge us.
