Despite a mild winter with only one major snowstorm, I was really looking forward to spring. There's something about more sunlight, warmer weather and trees blossoming after months of enduring cold dark days. In February, I found a sharp-looking light gray sport coat at one of my favorite thrift stores and thought it would be nice to wear for Easter Mass. Little did any of us know our plans for spring would drastically change.
When the first shelter-at-home orders were issued in response to the Covid-19 virus, some were hopeful things would be back to normal by April. In fact, a few restaurants even took out large ads in the local newspaper to let their customers know they'd still be having Easter dinner. As the weeks passed, this seemed more and more unlikely since social distancing guidelines were expanded. With the handwriting on the wall, restaurants were now offering Easter dinner take out only.
It was also looking more and more unlikely that there would be Mass for Easter, too. While some churches said they would be open just for confessions and prayer, my parish shut down altogether and not even an online bulletin was published. I thought not attending weekly Mass for such a long time would feel strange but it only brought indifference. While I didn't want to be like those “heathen” twice-a-year Catholics, I really didn't miss boring sermons, elderly parishioners, waking up early or feelings of loneliness in the pews. It wasn't that I relished skipping Mass. Rather, my many pastors over the years had failed to create an inviting atmosphere for Catholic singles like me. Some worshipers would seek out online virtual Masses or watch Catholic TV but those options didn't appeal to me either.
For Easter, Masses with the Pope and Cardinal O'Malley were broadcast on local television stations but I slept in after a busy night at work. My mother didn't feel like cooking so she ordered a couple of take out dinners from a nearby restaurant. When I picked them up, the place was mostly empty and dark but I thanked the staff for staying open when so many other businesses had closed. The trip to and from the restaurant was almost devoid of traffic which only added to my isolation. Once I got home, we ate our Easter dinner at the kitchen table instead of in the dining room. There was no company, no fancy silverware or plates and we didn't get dressed up. Despite all of this, we were thankful for our blessings.
It's sometimes said that mankind makes plans while God laughs. I don't like this expression because it implies the Almighty takes some sort of pleasure in the suffering of others. I do think it's important to appreciate the fact that life can sometimes turn on a dime and no matter how sure we are of the plans we have made, they don't necessarily come to pass. One of the things I appreciate about the Muslim religion is how often the expression, “God willing” is used because this acknowledges a certain kind of humility. What we want for one reason or another might not happen.
In January, it was announced the prestigious Top of the Hub restaurant located on the 52nd floor of Boston's Prudential Center would close after more than 54 years. Their last day was scheduled for April 18th but due to the Covid-19 shutdowns, it's likely the place may never reopen. All those people who thought there was still plenty of time to visit the restaurant for one last goodbye were sadly mistaken.
Many plans were made at the start of 2020. When I bought that light gray sport coat, I imagined myself all dressed up at Easter Mass. Restaurants probably thought they would make lots of money serving Easter dinner to their many customers. How wrong we were.
I noticed the sign outside a local restaurant many times: Trivia Night - Wednesday at 9 PM. As February waned, feelings of claustrophobia intensified and I really wanted to check it out but the thought of going by myself was too unappealing. (Been there, done that.) I decided to call one of the only friends I had left in the area but he just happened to be in a taxi heading to his parish's late evening Ash Wednesday celebration. I asked if he wanted to get together after Mass but he was too tired. My friend reassured me that next Wednesday looked open and he would call back then.
The following week, another trivia night passed by but the phone never rang. I wound up spending yet another night in my room watching TV. The next day my friend posted to Facebook a photo of himself enjoying karaoke at a bar in his neck of the woods. It's a sad thing to be so inconsequential that not even your friends remember you!
Putting something off for “another day” is not a good idea because you never know what the future might hold. The month of March began normally enough but looming concerns about the Covid-19 virus had some people worried. At the local grocery store, there was a run on powdered milk and Parmalat which no one ever bought. I noticed granola and breakfast bars were curiously missing from the shelves too. Was that a sign some shoppers were prepping for a pandemic? The week of March 8th started quietly but on Thursday the 12th, all hell broke loose. Grocery stores were swamped with panicked shoppers who were clamoring for everything from toilet paper to bottled water. Within a few hours, lines were out the door and shelves were empty. Soon governors were issuing stay-at-home orders. Non-essential businesses were shut down, unemployment exploded and our unprecedentedly great economy came to a screeching halt.
The words “social distancing” entered our lexicon and each day brought with it new restrictions. You had to stay 6 ft. apart from others. Grocery stores closed earlier then special hours for senior citizens were established. Aisles became one way and there were limits on how many items you could buy. Then only a certain number of shoppers could be inside the store at one time. More and more communities mandated the wearing of surgical masks or cloth face coverings as the number of people infected with Covid-19 continued to climb...along with the death toll. The rest of the school year was in doubt as proms were canceled and graduation ceremonies turned virtual. Masses were suspended. Restaurants could only serve take out or delivery. For some reason, liquor stores were deemed essential and remained open. Gas prices plummeted and our roads never appeared emptier.
Now that most of us are taking shelter in our homes, a group video chat service named Zoom seems to be all the rage. (I had never heard of it before the pandemic.) With few places to go and not much to do, the internet has become essential for maintaining connections with others but people are discovering it's a poor substitute for real world social interactions. We are less than two months into this new normal and already people are anxious and starting to complain about unprecedented levels of isolation.
If dealing with the loneliness from all those Covid-19 restrictions is weighing your soul down, imagine what lost sheep like me have endured for most of our lives. Long before this pandemic started, I've struggled with feelings of extreme isolation on a daily basis. I didn't go out all that much before the stay-at-home orders were issued and in the past I've suffered from chronic unemployment. Decade after decade have slipped by without many meaningful relationships and as you can see from this blog entry's introduction, friends continue to be a source of great disappointment. I hate to say this but dealing with the isolation brought on by Covid-19 is old-hat because I have been reluctantly practicing a form of social distancing for a very long time.
I still put in long hours at work since my job has been deemed essential. When my shift ends, I take care of my elderly mother and then help with dinner before retreating to my room. I may watch a couple of hours of TV just to decompress but then like the movie Groundhog Day, the process repeats itself all over again. Such a busy schedule leaves very little room for a social life but I am glad to get a paycheck every week especially when so many workers have lost their jobs.
My desire for attending trivia night may have disappeared for now, but with all the restaurant closures, I couldn't go anyway. If there's something to be learned from the social isolation brought on by the Covid-19 virus, I hope people will remember to treasure the relationships they have and not take anyone's feelings of loneliness for granted.
