CatholicMatch.com was very detailed with active forums that seemed sincere. One section broke singles down into several temperaments. With traits like: thoughtful, reflective, ponderous, deeply sensitive, of noble ideals, shy, critical, pessimistic, loyal and self-sacrificing, I was definitely a Melancholic. (Turns out, there's nothing biblical about these temperaments as they originated in ancient Greece.)
A search function allowed me to view a handful of the site's eligible women. None really caught my fancy but when I wanted to view more, I was taken to the sign up page and could browse no further. Membership was pretty expensive so I didn't join. This hasn't changed. Like Christian Mingle, this site says you can sign up for a free account but I suspect you have to pay to play.
As of this writing, a one month subscription is $29.95 which seems very steep. If you sign up for three months, membership is $19.95 per month. Of course, that comes to almost $60 dollars. Again, a bit out of my price range. The “best value” is a six month subscription which is $12.49 per month. That's $79.94. Notice how they avoid displaying the much larger total cost?
Six month memberships come with a “unique protection” because if you fail to form a relationship, CatholicMatch.com gives you another 6 months for free. Oh, joy!!! Of course, you have to read the fine print.
You must: Comply at all times with the CatholicMatch Terms of Use. Be free to marry in the Catholic Church. Communicate with at least 1 unique member of the opposite sex each week. Create a complete and accurate profile with at least 5 photos. Your profile and primary photo must be approved by CatholicMatch within the first seven days of your guarantee subscription. CatholicMatch Terms of Use and the CatholicMatch Guarantee Program Rules are subject to change by CatholicMatch at any time. CatholicMatch reserves all rights to modify, suspend or cancel the Program at any time and without notice. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200.
For a site that focuses on Catholic values, there are a lot of hoops to jump through. Communicating with a unique member each week for six months equals about 26 females or to put it another way...more women than I have ever talked to about dating in my entire 43 years on this earth. What happens if at some point during those 6 months you just don't see anyone you're interested in? “Hi, I'm sending you a message not because I like you. I just want to get another 6 months for free.”
CatholicMatch.com heavily advertises their services online and in local church bulletins. Sometimes there are coupons and even “tell a friend” events where members can get free passes when friends sign up. (You get a $250 gift card for every 5 friends that subscribe.) These tactics seem pretty tacky and one reviewer of the site said, “People aren't commodities and it quickly felt like a business just looking to make a profit.”
Some have told anxious members to be patient because it can take years to find the right one. Given the high cost of membership, staying with it can become an expensive proposition. CatholicMatch.com maintains they are a good value because members can enjoy community and friendship while waiting for that perfect profile to pop up. Really? That's why desperate singles join a dating website? They also say that since they are a smaller company, they can keep costs low. $29.99 for a one month membership isn't pocket change but maybe God doesn't think poor people need to find love.
The website was founded in 1999 as SaintRaphael.net. Its co-founders had discussed the struggles single Catholics were facing and they wanted to create a community where men and women could come together with the intention of finding their future spouse. The site was a side project they worked on for fun and membership was free.
I wonder if CatholicMatch.com has lost sight of their humble beginnings. They say they have a sincere, heartfelt goal to promote more holy and healthy Catholic marriages and to reverse marriage decline but their high prices leave people like me out in the cold. When they claim to “support Catholic relationships in every way possible” I'm guessing this doesn't mean lowering their prices or giving away free memberships to those who suffer financial hardships.
In these increasingly secular times, the Catholic Church needs all the loving marriages it can get. Lonely singles like me should be seen as a potential source of renewal rather than an underserved market to be tapped.
Good article I'm 43 too - single, never even dated. But not a life-long Catholic either, practicing that is. on off since I was 28 and last spring came back (for good?) but this time I only attend the TLM.
ReplyDeleteLive here in Phoenix, AZ. I was never really any good with women/dating and when I turned 41i and then some I felt a HHUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGEE decrease in libedo and all feelings of trying to impress women (and my free T levels are fine). I've never had a desire to be married.
I'm an extreme introvert and if it weren't for health problems I would make a great hermit monk. I've come to realize that that my lack of ANY success on ALL levels with women (I'm a decent / good looking guy) is/was a gift from God. It took me 27+ years to find out who I was.
I am not people person and that goes into my house too. I love being alone./ If God/circumstances permitted me to be the avg guy with women I would be buried under way more sexual sin than I am and/or be in a bad marriage.
My Catholicism and my relationship with God only got strong (enough to handle a relationship) a year ago but since I have no desire to marry/date I'm trying to model my life after the Ven. Matt Talbot. My day consists of fasting a bit - more or less, work a job that pays well but that I do because I don't have rich parents (ha ha) and need the $ for living expenses.
I really don't like my work (an no changing careers, jobs will not help that) t,t,f,s,s daily TLM mass (btw there is no such thing a as reverent Novus Ordo mass - and I won't get sidetracked into talking about that so drop it now) spiritual reading and prayer and physical exercise. I'm a urban hermit monk. I've got reminder of The Lat 3 Things and ANything But God and This is Not my Home in my cube and at home reminding me that this is not my home It's a struggle for me to get through my day for not the usual reasons but the fact since I was 28 I've had a very strong feeling / almost knowing that THIS IS NOT MY HOME.
Church adult singles groups are a joke. Black sheep where are you located?
Good blog.
I'm in a suburb of Boston so some of my posts have a regional flair to them.
DeleteSome people are not called to be married or even date. I knew one person who described himself as asexual. We all have to look within ourselves and try to know who we are. I have always wanted a girlfriend / wife and feel the desire comes from deep within my soul. We are all different though. Some people who were called to the priesthood knew early-on that's what they were meant to do and the vocation gives them so much contentment and joy. That ain't me, however.
Thanks for reading.
You're welcome. I lived in Mansfield/Foxboro for a yearish working at CGU insurance CO right off I 95 back in 2000.
DeleteWeb sites cost money to operate. The fees you cite are quite minimal. If you can't afford that, then you can't afford to date anyway.
ReplyDeleteDon't misunderstand, I'm not saying that CM offers a worthwhile product. Online dating is more a waste of time and mental energy, than it is a waste of money. But CM or any of the other sites won't tell you that upfront. No, they'll tout every. single. success. that they've allegedly had, all those dreamy happy couples who were oh-so-compatible and were united in marital bliss by CM. Again, CM won't tell you that these folks are an itsy bitsy percentage of their client base. 0.01%? Maybe less? They'll never tell.
Websites cost "some" money to operate but as I pointed out, at first CM was a labor of love and its creators offered it for free. There was something Godly about that because its creators really had helping out Catholic singles in mind. Today I think they have lost sight of that goal somewhat as the site became the full-time job of its creators.
DeleteAgain, if the intention is helping singles out and reversing the downward trends in the Catholic church, there could be more involvement and partnerships with local archdioceses to offer increased membership at a decreased price. It irks me when churches spend large sums of money on really dumb things yet spend nothing on the singles in their midst.
Lastly, I take issue with your use of the word minimal especially when CM says it could take many years to find the one. The whole point of this entry as pointed out in the title is to ask, "The poor don't count?" You don't know anything about my personal situation but are quick to sound off. Part of being a Christian is not being so concerned with materialism or the things of the world but it's amazing how many on these dating sites don't see it. I'm not sure John the Baptist would have done well on CM given the whole eating grasshoppers and wearing burlap thing. If God called us to drop everything and follow, how many of us would respond?
You are right, I don't know your personal situation and I don't want to. Don't see why it matters. All I said was that the cost of these web sites is less than the cost of actual dating. Dinner and a movie for two is a lot more than a month of CM service at the rates you quoted.
DeleteYou do realize that CM is a private business, don't you? It's not run by the Church and the Church should not pay for memberships. They are entitled to charge for service. If someone wants to join CM but can't afford it? Well that's a personal finance problem, a matter of priorities.
I said on some other article recently, that I do not want the Church doing anything with the overt purpose being "matchmaking". No Church-run dating service, and no singles ministry! That's not what the Church is for.
But the Church is supposed to be "for" community, and that's where the failure has been in recent years. Social events like picnics and dances and etc. gave people a way to meet and interact, creating a social network that, among other things, often helped singles to become couples.
It does matter because they are selling themselves as a Christian site. Guess what a big part of Christianity is? Not putting a high priority on money or the ways of the world. Living simply and shunning materialism. Helping the poor. If CM has such lofty goals for reversing the downward trends in the Church like they say they do, then perhaps making money off of desperate singles should be a minimal concern as it was when they were SaintRaphael.net.
DeleteWe had a priest who said the trouble with capitalism is it always asks "what is to be gained" and "what will it cost" rather than "is this the right thing to do". Reminds me of the parishioner who charges his parish to remove snow from the church driveway rather than volunteer to do the work for free and give it up to God. I think many Christians have forgotten a big aspect of the religion is not adopting the typical ways of the business world. Sure, everyone wants to make money and that's fine if you own a bakery or run a consulting firm but here we are talking about loftier goals. The default frame of mind shouldn't be "they have a business to run." CM should think hard about whether it is in business to make money first or to do everything it can to help singles first.
And yes, I realize CM is a private company. Thanks for pointing that out. They regularly advertise in parish bulletins so I see nothing wrong if a parish steers some funding to help its single population out as they do with segments of the population. You obviously feel the church shouldn't be involved with matchmaking but that's your opinion. Others disagree and the point of this blog is if the Church keeps on ignoring us, there won't be any parishioners in the future.
I guess I will bow out of this discussion, since I disagree with practically every point you tried to make in the last comment.
DeleteYou don't really imagine that your desire for a date (or a subscription to a dating web site that is already quite reasonably priced) is on a par with the needs of those who lack food, clothing and shelter? You don't imagine that, do you?
Sure, bow out but not before you get the last word? You come across as very argumentative on many blogs and articles on Catholic singles. You should start your own blog since you have a lot to say on the subject.
DeleteAs I said before, you don't know what kind of situation I am in and yet you assume I can't possibly lack in food, clothing and shelter. How do you know? You don't and yet you also stated earlier that you don't want to know. Well, then perhaps you need to stop being so judgmental. Frankly, I don't follow your logic on a few of the things you have commented on. Good night.
Delete
Good luck Uncle Fester. Perhaps you might want to look inside yourself and see how you tend to rub people the wrong way as I have noticed in many of your discussions on this site and others. Part of being Catholic is actually behaving in a Christ-like way and being judgmental and insulting when you don't even know the situation isn't very Christian. You struck me as being somewhat rude (as opposed to being understanding) when you complained to me about not having your comments published last year. It didn't occur to you that I was a bit computer illiterate when it came to the blog settings for pending comments. No, you had to mouth off with negative remarks like, "Are you going to publish my comments or what?" When I finally discovered your pending comments and published them along with an apology and an explanation as to why it took so long, there wasn't a shred of compassion from you. Good Christians should not behave like that. And regarding being a guest blogger? Well, it's her blog. It can be a very personal thing for some people. You shouldn't complain about her decision. Start your own blog and show us plebes the errors of our ways. You certainly have a lot to say. I don't mind discussion but you are looking for a sounding board where you show little respect for differences of opinion. You'll have to look elsewhere for that.
ReplyDeleteYou don't need to keep posting this comment. And I see that you deleted my comment regarding the truism that "great minds discuss ideas and small minds discuss people". You do not seem interested in actual discussion of ideas.
ReplyDeleteThe reason for inquiring last year about whether you would post my comments back then, was simply to get your attention. There was no "mouthing off". By your own admission, you had broken the blog so you weren't seeing new comments. Not my fault. You eventually fixed it and life moved on. For that you wanted "compassion"? Sorry, no.
I really do mean it, I won't post here again. Stop chasing me looking for a fight. You won't get it.
Uncle Fester, the repeated posts happen when I try to fix typos so that last one should be the final duplicate from me. Blame Blogger for that.
ReplyDeleteThe reason why I had complained about your attitude is because you commented on something you had NO CLUE about. Making assumptions about my life as if it were the gospel truth comes off as arrogant yet you refuse to own up to it. Well, there can be no honest discussion of ideas when you start telling people what is in their hearts and minds is invalid...which you have done here on occasion. People have feelings but you don't seem to take that into consideration. It's more important for you to spout an opinion no matter how it might be taken. A true discussion of ideas involves a certain amount of mutual respect but you don't seem to understand this and your latest post here underscores that point. In your mind, you did nothing wrong. It's everyone else's fault.
Your claim that I broke the blog is a poor choice of words which comes off as inconsiderate given that the mistake wasn't even my fault. And you were mouthing off. You were pretty negative, in fact. A thoughtful person would have asked politely where their comments had gone instead of griping. Even a simple "thank you" from you after the problem was resolved would have been nice too but I see that you lack a certain amount of tact when dealing with others. You may disagree but the thing is you don't get to tell other people how they perceive you.
Instead of quoting Eleanor Roosevelt and implying I have a small mind, you might want to read up on the truisms of Jesus first. Again, you just don't get it. We are on a Christian blog. Act accordingly. Most of my blog entries have been discussions of ideas so your insult isn't even accurate.
It's strange that you say you don't want to argue with me and yet here you are unable to let it go because you simply have to have the last word. "Stop chasing me looking for a fight?" Get over yourself. No one is chasing you.
https://68.media.tumblr.com/91d65b4b42c1ac44123ae59f4542229e/tumblr_mjf5qoz4NF1s4m09xo1_500.gif
DeleteOK, now I'm only leaving one last last last comment so I can turn off the "Notify me" box because I've gotten 4 notifications on this so far today.
ReplyDeleteAgain I will make no statements about "you". I never made any "assumptions about your life". You can't find one. I was entirely discussing the idea of why online dating is so futile. But you want to whine about "me" and I just won't take the bait. I don't have the time.
Turning off notifications now.
You just proved my point. You can't leave it alone and had to get the last word. This is your last last last word cross your heart. Ha!
Delete"I never made any assumptions about your life?" Uncle Fester, what do you call this?
"You don't really imagine that your desire for a date (or a subscription to a dating web site that is already quite reasonably priced) is on a par with the needs of those who lack food, clothing and shelter? You don't imagine that, do you?"
There you are in black and white telling me about my financial situation yet you still deny this. You're the one who made it personal when you crossed this line and a couple of others.
Yes, you don't have the time because you are busy writing your opinions on many other blogs and articles about Catholic singles. Perhaps if you spent more time away from the computer, you might be a bit happier and less clueless about how to talk to people and have real, thoughtful discussions.