Singles, Free Will and 9-11

I discussed being single with an unmarried Catholic woman in her late 40s recently and was struck by how different her outlook on life was.  Despite a few failed relationships and the fact that her mother might never see any grandchildren, she preferred not to dwell on the past or place blame on anyone.  I then shared my feelings about the Church.  For a long time, the clergy have ignored singles who are called to be married when there was so much they could've done to help us.  While she agreed with some of what I said, she preferred to better her own life by looking forward.  At one point in the discussion she even mentioned God's will.  She did feel the call to be married and have kids but accepted the fact that the Almighty did not send a potential husband into her life yet.  I asked if she was alone today because others who had the option of helping her, chose to do nothing.

When the Church was experiencing a shortage of priests, what happened?  Steps were taken to actively promote priestly vocations: from sermons about why the priesthood was awesome to discernment retreats to special prayers for vocations.  Some parishes even passed around vocational crosses to different households so families could pray for seminarians.  One of my pastors credited these actions with helping to increase vocations to the priesthood and religious life.

The key word is ACTION.  When something was wrong within the Church, we just didn't pray for things to improve.  Deliberate measures were put into place to make positive changes happen.  Far too often, Catholics use “God's will” to justify the loneliness singles experience.  When someone like me complains about not being able to find a spouse, we are told to have patience because God works in His own time.  Blame is even placed on us for daring to question His wisdom.

I wondered if everything that happened to us singles was God's will and not free will?  Then using the example of 9-11, I said to the woman, “You have a person who is born into the world as a unique refection of God's love.  They are fed, educated, grow up, and make their way in the world to fall in love and do something wonderful with their God given talents.  One day while simply going to work, they die horribly as a plane piloted by terrorists crashes into the World Trade Center.  Was it God's will for this person's life to be cut short or was it free will that caused so much death and destruction?”

I added that while the terrorists were the ones who chose to do evil, if we went back in time far enough, the actions of the United States in the Middle East helped put into motion a long series of events that led up to the terrorist attack.  From giving military aid to the mujahideen in Afghanistan, to the overthrow of the democratically elected prime minister of Iran in 1953, our country has not always grasped the law of unintended consequences.

The woman said there has always been suffering in the world and while we may never understand why, we should do our best to live a holy life.  I told her it was “God's will” that she should have a family but the inaction of our Church needed to be corrected.  There was nothing wrong with pointing out past failures because that's how we learned to prevent such failures from happening again.

Some people feel the loneliness singles endure is like a set of emotional training wheels that prepares us for marriage.  This view usually creates a climate of apathy instead of assistance, however.  When the Church faced a priest shortage the hierarchy did something about it.  Was this seen as having a lack of faith in God's plan?  No way.  Why then are singles with a calling to Holy matrimony told to simply accept the situation they find themselves in?