No Followers No Problem

After reading the last blog entry, I think it's safe to say I have a tendency to not get along with other Catholics.  When I started this blog back in February of 2016, I really didn't know what to expect.  Before this journey into the blogosphere began, I had spent quite a lot of time reading articles and blogs about Catholic singles and the one thing that made a huge impression on me was the comments section.  A heck of a lot of people were hurting, lonely and miserable.  They were not only questioning their faith but how the Church treated singles.  I thought starting a blog would add useful perspectives to the conversation and the closet optimist in me hoped other like-minded singles would become fans of this site.  Perhaps a future spouse would identify with what I had to say and reach out too.

The eternal pessimist in me thought otherwise and even after all these years this blog still doesn't have a single follower...but that's okay.  I write to get things off my chest and while trying to jot down my thoughts into something mildly coherent is incredibly challenging, it feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders once a blog entry is posted.

Some of the Catholic blogs I routinely check out enjoy a good number of followers but they usually tow the party line when it comes to the Church.  That's not this blog and as the title states, I am quite the black sheep.  I don't put on airs and tend to see right through people who do.  It's no coincidence that I've glimpsed the not-so-nice side of individuals who seem to be universally respected.  It could be a popular politician who campaigns on a platform of transparency and inclusion but holds secret meetings to quash different perspectives.  It could be a beloved pastor who says he looks after his congregation but then coldly ignores the singles in his midst.  And as we saw in early 2020, it could even be Cardinal Sean O'Malley who was clueless about the struggles many Catholic singles face on a daily basis.

Some people equate negativity with always being wrong and positivity with always being right so when an inconvenient  truth emerges, they run and hide...and remain silent.  These are the same people who never question the Church or their faith.  Instead, they find comfort in the logic, “If the Church says so, it must be true.”  That's not this blog and perhaps this is one of the reasons why Long Lost Black Sheep doesn't have any followers.

Going along with crowd is much easier than listening to the little voice inside your head that wants to speak out against an injustice or call out what you know to be a lie.  When someone tries to sell me a line, my mind is always testing...always challenging...always looking for consistency or inconsistency.  Sad to say, I've seen a whole lot of inconsistency from my fellow Catholics and it's just not in my nature to look the other way.

I also can't deny the things I've seen with my own eyes.  While some Catholics minimize the struggles of singles, I keep going back to those heartbreaking reader comments from other blogs.  Each remark represents a real person who is enduring real pain.  Shouldn't we be doing more as a faith community to help?  No doubt some think I should just shut up but that's not this blog.

Chatting with other singles on one particular online forum has only reinforced the misgivings I had about my fellow Catholics.  When discussing loneliness, one user accused me of “making the vagina into an idol.”  (His words.)  Other users hold very outdated views on masculinity, femininity, chivalry, and who should and should not be the provider for a family.  One online forum member cautioned everyone against bringing a date into your bedroom because the temptation to have sex would be too strong.  Others spoke out against pre-martial kissing and they considered all forms of attraction that led to arousal to be sinful...including those puppy love crushes most of us had as teenagers.  Needless to say, I've gotten into my fair share of online flame wars with these people.

As someone with a creative side, I find a lot of Catholics to be boring and unimaginative.  While trying my hand at online dating, it became clear that I couldn't share certain music, TV shows or movies with my fellow Catholics because they seemed too close-minded.  No wonder why I tend to get along better with my secular friends and acquaintances.  Unfortunately, they don't share many of the Catholic values I hold so dear and that leaves this black sheep straddling both worlds without ever finding a place to call my own.  But that's okay too.