Forum Fallout

(From the files of Catholic Match)

If I thought sharing some of my hobbies, personality and humor in the Catholic Match forums might grab the attention of the woman of my dreams, it didn't take long for me to realize how sadly mistaken I was. Not only did I not get along with many of the regular contributors on the site, a great deal of my forum topics and posts caused a certain amount of acrimony among these people.

One of this blog's core beliefs is that the Church should be doing more to help its singles. I've spoken about this on Long Lost Black Sheep far too many times and have highlighted the reasons why I think this is true. My opinion was met with skepticism on the Catholic Match forums however, with some members saying it wasn't the Church's job to get people like me a date. They felt I was just making excuses for my own failures and thought it was ridiculous to place blame on the Church for my chronic singleness. I gave it right back to them and explained how the Catholic Church had far more resources than I did to bring people together. With access to facilities across the region, the Archdiocese could send out a clarion call for singles to meet up in low-cost venues. In some ways, the Church does this already with The National Catholic Singles Conference although that event isn't low-cost and often takes place in locations that are prohibitively far away. I also remarked that at the very least, our Church should be discussing the problem singles face and include us in their prayers. The regular forum users were not impressed although years later, one of my biggest critics admitted I had a point and stated the Church didn't care about single people. He did have to get a dig in against me by prefacing his opinion with the comment: ”Not to sound like someone who used to complain about this all the time....”

While lamenting the lack of Catholic Match women who were informed about world events, I remarked that everyone should have some knowledge of the conflict in the Middle East between Israel and Palestine...at least enough to hold up a conversation where you could justify one side or the other. This comment was met with disbelief by one woman who refused to broaden her horizons and thought my expectations were out in left field. Fast forward to the October 2023 attacks along the Gaza Strip, the subsequent response by Israel and the massive protests and divisions it caused in this country. I guess my forum comment wasn't so wacky after all.

A topic of discussion that was supposed to be on the lighter side of things was music. Forum users often shared favorite songs or posted tunes that pertained to certain categories. Years of listening to college and community radio had opened my world up to so many different genres and countless obscure songs so a good number of my musical selections took people off guard. I had more than one Catholic Match member warn me that my love of goth music was a slippery slope to satanism and suicide. Well, that's not what goth is about and I thought they were pretty ignorant to lump everyone together with the few bad apples that did exist in the genre. Also causing some friction was my utter disdain for hokey Christian rock which seemed to be very popular among Catholic Match members.

As discussed in a previous blog entry, I've had some wonderful opposite sex friendships over the years but for many forum users, such a thing was taboo. Naturally, this caused a fair amount of arguments and at times, it felt like I was talking to people from the 1950s. I placed such a high value on a person's individuality, it didn't matter to me what gender they were. Truth be told, I got along better with some of my female friends than I did some of my male friends because we shared more common interests and personality traits. According to the “trad Catholics” in the forums, having opposite sex friends was dangerous because sooner or later, temptation would set in. When I told one of my female friends about this, she replied, “Those people are idiots.”

In fact, by reading the Catholic Match forums I saw a strange level of discord and misunderstanding between the sexes that reminded me of some Muslim cultures. One regular in the forums who I sparred with all the time admitted that she really didn't understand men and figured things would work out between her future husband and herself once they got married. OH, YOU POOR FOOL!!!! I couldn't help but think how miserable the guy would be for having a wife that clueless.

Even though the Bible really doesn't give us a practical guide for dating and marriage, many forum users expected the men to be near-emotionless providers who were strong at all times while the women ran the households ideally as stay-at-home moms. I thought such notions were naive at best. When one forum member asked what the men of Catholic Match would do to protect their women, I joked, “Buy a rocket launcher.” My type of humor usually went over like a lead balloon.

Despite my bad reputation on the forum, people seemed to be interested in what I had to say. Some of the topics I started had huge numbers of views into the thousands as opposed to a few hundred which was the norm. A few men even sent me private messages of encouragement especially when I put annoying female forum users in their place. One gentleman who commiserated with me said, “I didn't know I was a bad Catholic until I joined Catholic Match.” I could definitely identify with that comment. I went to Mass every week, saved myself for marriage, tried to be a thoughtful person, prayed every day and yet it just wasn't good enough for some forum users.

I even had one of the regular female forum users issue what I considered to be a threat by saying I was hurting my chances at dating since many of the women on Catholic Match read what I posted and often discussed it among themselves. Well, I was only being honest and if these women found fault with my opinions, then I guess it just wasn't meant to be.

This same regular female forum user posted a topic that caused a firestorm: Chastity vs. Purity. I will discuss this controversy in the next blog entry.

Forum Frustrations

(From the files of Catholic Match)

When I first joined Catholic Match, there seemed to be a few interesting souls on the forums who could also be categorized as “black sheep” since they didn't fit into the (trad)itional Catholic mould. One man in particular came from a very dark background and admitted to having friends in the porn industry even though he did not embrace their lifestyle. Other black sheep were women who considered themselves to be feminists in addition to being Catholic. I thought it was beautiful that despite their very unconventional perspectives, there was something about Catholicism that still attracted them to the faith. Unfortunately, these members seemed to disappear after only a short while and the forums became overrun with users who were somewhat close-minded.

Many long-time Catholic Match members lamented how fun the forums used to be at one time. They could discuss just about any topic in an adult manner without it being banned by moderators. Some felt the forums now suffered from far too many trivial topics because serious and / or controversial subjects weren't encouraged. It's typical of me to show up late to the party so-to-speak and I wonder how things would have gone if I had joined Catholic Match several years earlier.

The website's co-founder Brian grew increasingly frustrated with the negativity on the forums and threatened several times to shut it down completely. He also minimized anything we had to say about the website by making the claim forum users only represented a very tiny portion of the total Catholic Match membership. I proposed the theory that all this negativity was a result of the Church's decline coinciding with the emergence of the first few generations of Catholics who were no longer able to find a potential spouse.

Of course we were frustrated, angry and depressed because we couldn't rely on the traditional methods of courtship that had once helped so many before us enter into the bonds of Holy Matrimony. A look at the obituaries of old-timers usually reveals how they met their spouses and for a lot of Catholics of a certain age, there were dances and other social activities that our generation lacks. If my parish tired to put on a dance, it would be populated by nothing but old people...if anyone bothered to show up at all.

Unfortunately, the “new rules” of online dating leave much to be desired and for a great number of us, they just aren't practical. Some Catholic Match members have commitments that prevent them from pursuing long-distance relationships. Others do not want to date foreigners who cannot speak English very well. Some are unwilling to date people who don't take care of themselves. More often than not, Brian seemed to scold us for our many deal-breakers. According to him, dating has changed for the average Catholic and we need to change our long-held expectations or risk being alone for the rest of our lives. He also claimed some of the obstacles we faced while trying to find a spouse were self-imposed and we should be more flexible.

Well, there are some things I just won't compromise on. Should a gourmet chef who is passionate about his vocation date a woman who only loves junk food? Should a fitness guru date a slob who won't get off the couch? Some of us don't have time to learn a new language and culture just to go on a date. Is that our fault? Even in the world of Catholic dating, attraction plays a role. Should I date a person who is totally unattractive to me? I suppose any couple could have a successful marriage if they had zero expectations but that's not reality.

With no women on Catholic Match to date, I kept coming back to the forums time and time again. In just four short years, I managed to rack up over a million and a half posts. I even saw a few regular forum users pass away without ever finding a spouse. What does all that say about the effectiveness of online dating for Catholics?

All Dead Ends Lead to the Forum

(From the files of Catholic Match)

After a couple of weeks into my Catholic Match membership, the selection of eligible singles who lived in the area was pretty much exhausted.  Branching out to include all of New England and parts of New York also revealed dismal results.  Even searching for women by typing in certain hobbies and music yielded very little for me.  I was starting to get discouraged and had an uneasy feeling about my first foray into the world of online dating.

Then I noticed in the upper corner of my profile page a heading entitled "Forums" and after clicking on it, the website took me to Catholic Match's online community.  Topics of discussion were divided by category and they included: Prayers & Support, Dating & Single Life, Member Meet-ups, Divorced Catholics, Community Help, Saint Peter's Square, Single Parenting, Wedding and Marriage Prep, Ages 45+, Ages Under 45, Widows and Widowers, Understanding the Faith, Sports & Games, Eastern Rites, Entertainment & Humor, and Men's and Women's Discussions.  Saint Peter's Square was for subjects that really didn't fit those other categories.  Community Help was a place to discuss technical issues with the website.  The individual Men's and Women's groups were gender specific and men couldn't see or read what the women were talking about and vice versa (...unless they made a fake account).

There were many rules in the forums.  Everything from banning the use of profane language to demanding topics be meaningful and not trivial.  They listed  "Coke or Pepsi?" as a topic that was too trivial and I found that to be odd since many of the more lighthearted subjects discussed in the forums were actually like that.    

The forums had three volunteer moderators who were also Catholic Match members looking for love.  They had the power to lock a post down if a discussion got out of hand.  Two of the moderators were close to 50 years old and one was close to 60.  This was not a good sign and I wondered how effective Catholic Match was if even the moderators languished on this website year after year after year.

The website's co-creator, who was married with kids, also trolled the forums and sometimes fights broke out with members who were critical of the website.  He too had the power to lock down discussions or simply make them disappear altogether.

I've heard it said that some people fail at online dating because they just can't seem to engage with others based solely on a profile since it reveals no social cues.  Some singles hit it off by reading body language and hearing tones and inflections.  I figured the forums would be a way for me to bring some of my hobbies, personality and humor to the table through the written word and perhaps this might grab the attention of the woman of my dreams.  After all, for each forum participant, there were plenty of "lurkers" who chose to read the forums but either decided not comment or couldn't comment because they had a free membership.

Well, my first post didn't go so well.  I lamented that after two weeks on the site, I felt alone because there weren't any singles who seemed to have much in common with me.  Moderator Jerry, who refused to use a profile photo, remarked that if I was feeling alone, I must be the one with the problem.  That was my first introduction to something that was quite common on Catholic Match: Victim Blaming.

This website made some pretty great claims about finding love and with success stories that bordered on the miraculous, I had high expectations for Catholic Match.  What better way to deflect criticism of this site than to shift blame on individual members.  "Your expectations are too high."  "You're trying to date out of your league."  "You have too many deal-breakers."  "You're being too unrealistic."  "You're not contacting enough women."  (Maybe the website didn't have enough members of the opposite sex who were attractive, witty or moral.  Ever think of that?!)

With dating no longer a realistic possibility, I spent more time in the forums despite my initial disagreement with moderator Jerry.  There were many other members here who had reached dead ends long ago and were now marooned on Catholic Match...not just for years but for decades.  Some were women who had wanted families but were now beyond the age of fertility.  How sad.  If the website's success rate was better, perhaps this would not be the case.

Unfortunately, the Covid lock-downs of 2020 would put an end to all dating in general for quite some time and the forums allowed people to kill time, gain a sliver of human interaction and vent frustrations.  Some Catholic Match members even found a real sense of fellowship here but my interactions with this virtual community usually led to arguments and misunderstanding.

Three Prongs of Secularism

The last blog entry focused on a Boston Globe article about Cardinal O'Malley that revealed some very troubling statistics for the Catholic Church.  In 2003, weekly Mass attendance for the Archdiocese of Boston was 316,000 but in 2019 that number dropped to 201,000 and in 2022 it fell to 127,000.  In 2003, there were 357 parishes but in 2024, that number shrank to 249 parishes.  In 2003, the Archdiocese was home to 160 Catholic schools with enrollment at 55,000 students.  Today that number is a mere 92 schools with enrollment standing at 32,000 students.

There are many theories as to why declines like these have occurred over the last 20 years.  Some blame the Church's failure to adequately expose and confront the priest sex scandal.  Others suggest this erosion of Catholic life stems from the failure of individual parishes to create communities of faith for their parishioners.

I'm sure these theories have a certain amount of credibility but I think the main reason for such a stark downward spiral within the Archdiocese is due to that dirty little word many religious pundits often decry: secularism.  While there are many forms of secularism, this blog entry looks at three in particular that in my humble opinion have had the biggest negative impact on the Church's efforts to increase the faith.

For many Catholics, the faith is all fine and good until any sacrifice gets in way of doing what THEY want to do.  This type of secularism can start off as a benign spiritual laziness that slowly creeps in.  Perhaps going to Church every week is too much of a bother.  Maybe people simply don't have the time with busy work schedules and / or their children's sports leagues.  It's easy to put God on the back burner even if you don't mean to shut him out of your life.

In its more malignant form, this type of secularism is deliberate and sees people choosing to turn their backs on parish life and certain moral values.  Maybe they'd rather sleep in on Sundays instead of committing to weekly Mass.  During my time on Catholic Match, I saw far too many women ignore the Church's teachings on premarital sex.  I'm sure many justify this by saying, "Those are old fashioned values that no one practices anymore."  For these Catholics, it's all about forgoing sacrifice to embrace fun.

Another prong of secularism can be seen in people who have grievances against organized religion.  While still spiritual they have serious doubts about the Church's structure, leaders and rules (sometimes with good reason) and prefer to go it alone.  They might still identify as Catholic but it's more likely they prefer the category of "recovering Catholic."  These people feel you don't need so many moral tenets to get into heaven just as long as you're a good person because a loving and merciful God won't be so judgmental.  Their criticism of organized religion might extend beyond the Catholic Church since so many faiths have brought out the worst in humanity at times.

   

A third prong of secularism that's seriously harming the Church is the fact that more and more people just don't believe in God like they used to.  Modern times have instilled within us a certain amount of skepticism which isn't necessarily a bad thing.  Our belief in the scientific method has taken illness out of the hands of witch doctors and into hospitals.  There are people who have objectively looked at God but question how a being so loving and merciful could allow so much senseless death and destruction to take place in the world.  They look for signs of consistency in the Almighty only to see a God who calls us friends in one part of the Bible but then treats us like mere playthings in other parts of the Bible.  Even my mother who is a life-long Catholic now wonders if there's any sense to life at all.  I guess she's following in the footsteps of Mother Teresa who also had doubts about God after witnessing so much human suffering during her long ministry to the poor.

Astronomy has certainly humbled humanity's place in the vast universe and for some, our apparent insignificance has caused doubts that there's a higher power behind it all.  Others question the accuracy of texts written over 2,000 years ago.  In many circles, God "exists" only to be mocked.  (He even has his own Facebook page.)

During my time at St. Mary's in Beverly our energetic young pastor once gave a sermon on how to go about evangelizing others.  He said if we encountered skepticism, we should pull from our quiver certain relevant Bible passages to convince disbelievers of the Truth.  He went on to list specific example and while he was very well-intention, I think this approach often falls on deaf ears.  It's no longer the Middle Ages and the vast majority of people are not going to blindly follow simply because the Church says so.  I don't envy Cardinal O'Malley's successor.  He will likely see more parishes and Catholic schools close in the next few years because for an increasing number of people God is a hard sell.

Reflections of a Lame Duck Cardinal

The Boston Globe's January 29, 2024 edition featured a front-page article on Cardinal Sean O'Malley.  The interview by reporter Danny McDonald mostly focused on the Cardinal's handling of the priest sex abuse scandal.  O'Malley admitted, “We were in a terrible crisis...” but “We've come a long way...towards establishing a sense of peace.”

He received praise from Boston College professor of theology Thomas Groome who said the Cardinal held offending priests accountable and cared for the victims of sexual abuse.  Eric MacLeish, a local attorney who represented victims from the Fall River area spoke highly of Cardinal O'Malley's tenure in that particular archdiocese saying, “He met with all my clients.  He did the right thing.” 

The Cardinal was not without his critics, however.  President of BishopAccountablity.org Terrance McKiernan described O'Malley as “a fixer” but not an innovator and noted a certain lack of transparency.  McKiernan added that O'Malley's record was not horrible but “he could have done so much more.”  

The article stated when Cardinal O'Malley first arrived in Boston, the Archdiocese had a $15 million deficit and owed another $32 million to the Knights of Columbus for a loan that was used to settle lawsuits.  About $170 million was paid directly to victims and at the close of 2023 a total of $32 million had been spent on counseling and medication for them.  Today, the Boston Archdiocese is in the black but the offertory and tuition at Catholic schools remain flat.

Cardinal Sean (who turns 80 in June of this year) explained that he would likely depart from his post sooner rather than later but he had no knowledge of a timeline or a replacement.  He acknowledged the Church's response to the sex scandal was too focused on protecting its reputation and financial standing but boasted, “What we have done to address the sexual abuse crisis here is better than what anyone else has done.”    

The Cardinal briefly touched upon his record of church closures stating that “perhaps we could have done better.”  Not mentioned in the article was the 11 year vigil at Frances Xavier Cabrini Church in Scituate, MA that regularly made headlines in the local news.  Cardinal O'Malley admitted more closures in the next 5 years “was a possibility but that it would very much depend on the needs and decisions of the local community.”  I found that statement to be very ominous.  With church attendance continuing to decline, I've felt many parishes are on borrowed time.  After 5 years, will their time be up?

The article revealed some sobering facts.  When Cardinal O'Malley was first appointed to the Archdiocese of Boston in 2003, weekly church attendance was 316,000.  In 2019, it fell to 201,000 and in 2022 it was 127,000.  A spokesperson for the Archdiocese explained that latest decline away by blaming Covid since many parishes were still returning to normal.  I find that explanation to be pretty far-fetched.  In 2003, there were 357 parishes compared to 249 in 2024.  In 2003, there were 160 Catholic schools in the Archdiocese with enrollment at 55,000 students.  Today that number had dwindled to 92 schools with enrollment at 32,000.  If we look at these numbers, you could say Cardinal O'Malley failed to keep his eye on the ball and his record of growing the faith in the Boston Archdiocese was dismal.

All these declines occurred despite the Church spending a considerable amount of time and effort on promoting priestly vocations, the “New Evangelization” and the Catholics Come Home campaign among others.  Perhaps we needed a leader who wasn't meek and humble but dynamic and bold.  My personal impression of the Cardinal was one of cluelessness.  I reached out to him as a struggling Catholic single (See the blog entry: A Letter to the Cardinal) but he failed to understand not only my plight but the big picture of the Catholic singles crisis and how it's directly related to those falling Church statistics (See the blog entry: A Letter From the Cardinal).  It's not surprising though since he was ordained as a priest at age 19, became a bishop at 39 and installed as Cardinal at 61.  The priestly way of life seems to be all he's ever known while at age 19 my thoughts were largely focused on getting a girlfriend.

I won't be sorry when Cardinal O'Malley finally steps down.  My only hope is that his replacement listens to all the lost sheep of the Archdiocese instead of jet-setting to Rome or other exotic locales every month.

Greetings From New York City

(From the files of Catholic Match)

Early on in my Catholic Match membership, I was contacted by a cute woman from New York City named *Linda.  She lived with her dad in his house and was a caregiver to him.  As we traded messages, the conversation was very cordial.  I could really identify with her when she said how difficult it was to maintain the property.  Things seemed to be progressing nicely and I actually started to contemplate taking some time off from work to visit her.  Was finding a future spouse on this website that easy?  Not quite because as we continued to talk, a few things raised some concern. 

Red Flag #1:  Aside from caregiving, we didn't have a heck of a lot in common with each other as far as our hobbies and tastes were concerned.  This is always a tricky part of dating because ideally, you'd like to find someone who can relate to you on many different levels but it is unrealistic to expect a woman to enjoy the same music, TV shows and movies that you do especially if you like more obscure media.  I'd call this a negotiable part of any relationship but what is important is how she puts up with the things that bring you joy.  Does she belittle your love of science fiction?  Will she criticize you for enjoying a certain genre of music?  Does she recognize your individuality by respecting your hobbies and tastes even if she doesn't understand them?

Well, Linda seemed to think that when a person entered into a romantic relationship, they had to give up many of the things they once enjoyed to focus all their time and attention on being a couple.  This was a big red flag with me because I've seen first hand how some of my friends lost who they were when they had girlfriends or got married.  Sure, becoming one half of a couple means you do have to focus a lot more time and energy on the relationship.  Sure, there are things you give up and things you compromise on BUT it shouldn't mean you have to sell out who you are for the sake of the other person.  Some of the most successful marriages have couples who still enjoy their alone time.

Linda seemed a bit sheltered and when we discussed some favorite activities, I mentioned how much fun it was going to Comic-Con.  She didn't seem open to learning more about that and actually thought dressing in costume was a waste of time.  While I would never want my love of cosplay to be the hill that I die on, I couldn't help but think how nice it would have been if she were more open-minded about new experiences.

Red Flag #2:  She seemed to be mapping out my future life with her even though we had yet to go on a date.  When I mentioned my current dead-end job, I told her that I'd like to quit and find something very different that's more fulfilling.  Well, she mentioned a few businesses in her neck of the woods that offered similar dead-end jobs and suggested I could work there if I moved to New York.  Wow.  Was I really going to pack up and leave everything for a women I hardly knew?  Also, did she not understand the fact that I wasn't happy with my current career choice?  

Red Flag #3: Baggage.  They say when you get to a certain age, everyone has baggage, but I tend to have a small carry-on while others lug around a steamer trunk.  During the course of our conversation she said her last serious relationship lasted for well over a decade and ended badly.  Now I can understand being in love in your 20s and wanting to wait a few years before making a commitment but as many of those middle-aged singles on Catholic Match can attest to: "You don't have all the time in the world."  If the guy she had been dating was truly a decent person, he wouldn't have strung her along for all those years.  She should have figured out that he wasn't being sincere about holy matrimony and cut him loose sometime before they hit the ten year mark.  Sadly, Linda wasn't the only woman on Catholic Match who said they wasted the better part of a decade waiting for a marriage proposal that never came.  

She also admitted to being "foolish" in this relationship.  Now what does that mean?  Sometimes using that word is a polite way of saying they gave into temptation and had sex outside of marriage.  I can't say for sure what happened in Linda's case but as someone who has stayed true to the Church's teaching, it did create more doubts about her.

Some say you should really listen to those red flags because your subconscious mind is trying to tell you the relationship won't work.  Others claim that sometimes a red flag is simply you being too picky.  Despite all my misgivings, I was still willing to see where this potential relationship would go.  Unfortunately, fate would deal a cruel hand.  

As I continued to message Linda, her dad got very sick one night and he passed away.   I asked if she needed anything and offered to help in any way but from that point on, she never talked to me in the same way again.  Ultimately, she stopped messaging me on Catholic Match.

After several months passed, I reached out to her via the e-mail address she once gave me.  Linda said she was well and had met someone special on e-Harmony.  I told her I was glad and offered my continued friendship but never heard back from her ever again.  As of this writing, her profile is still on Catholic Match so I'm not sure if she forgot about it or was still single after all this time.  At any rate, this first foray into the world of online dating wouldn't be repeated for another four years because the number of meaningful interactions I would have with women on Catholic Match all but dried up.  

* Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Slim Pickin's from the Bay State

(From the files of Catholic Match)

During the first few days of my Catholic Match membership, I searched for the profiles of local women figuring it would be my best chance to get a date.  The results didn't exactly impress me.

One girl from the nearby city of Peabody said in her profile that she liked bowling so with no romantic expectations in mind, I reached out to her hoping we could just get together and go bowling sometime.  I never got a response.  Her profile remained on Catholic Match for many years and with an unwillingness to even talk to a guy who sent her a very benign message, it didn't surprise me.

A woman from Boston contacted me but not only was she not that attractive, she listed disagreement with the Church's position on abortion.  I decided to talk to her anyway but it didn't take long for her elitism to shine.  She wanted to know how “cultured” I was so I mentioned going to museums and taking in a musical every once in a great while.  Now the true test of her character: I also mentioned my low-wage job just to see what would happen.  She decided to end all communication right then and there.  Predictable.

I reached out to another never-married local single with an exotic name but got no response.  A couple of years later, her profile was still on Catholic Match but when I checked it out again, she listed herself as being divorced.  I wondered what happened during those years to warrant such a drastic change.

Another woman from Boston reached out to me and I thought she was very cute.  We were both caregivers and she figured having that one thing in common was a good starting point to a possible relationship.  Unfortunately, the more I talked to her, the more she seemed like she had issues.  At one point in our conversation, she blocked me from sending her any more messages.  I thought, “Oh well.  No big loss.”  After a while, she lifted the block and reached out to me again.  Apparently, she thought I had been talking to other women on the site and got jealous.  Now my guard was up and as we continued to message each other, I tried to learn more about her past.  She didn't reveal much...except for the fact that she had been pregnant once but never had any kids.  Hmmm.  What does that mean?  A miscarriage?  An abortion?  Either way, I wasn't looking for someone with that kind of “experience” and decided to part ways with her.  I was still open to being just friends but the idea went over her head.

It didn't take long for the pool of eligible local singles on Catholic Match to dry up.  Unfortunately, Massachusetts is home to not only some very homely-looking women, but Catholics here tend to be liberal and lukewarm.  These “Kennedy Catholics” as I like to call them, pick and choose which of the key Church teachings to embrace and usually discard anything that's an inconvenience.  Naturally, the local females of Catholic Match reflected this demographic.  A good number of them tended to be flakes as well.  (Also, I don't care about the Red Sox or Patriots and I think the Boston accent is annoying.  There go my chances!) 

Unfortunately, Catholic Match doesn't let you search profiles by state.  Rather, it narrows your choices down to a certain radius from your hometown.  You can select something as small as a twenty-five mile radius but that seriously limits the amount of profiles you'll see, especially if you come from a sparely-populated suburb.  One woman I recognized from church listed Boston and not Beverly as her hometown to protect herself from potential stalkers but doing so skews the search results.  Chances are, many of those Catholic Match residents from Boston probably live somewhere else.

    

The website does let you search a much larger radius but this has its problems too.  If you cast a wide net like a 200+ mile radius, that's a lot of unnecessary profiles to go through especially if long distance relationships are off the table.  Also, there are big differences between someone living in metropolitan New Jersey and someone living in rural Vermont.  

For laughs, I tried to search every single profile on Catholic Match by setting no mile limitations but the site crashed after a while.  Why can't the website follow the lead of Ave Maria Singles and simply list the number of members in each state?  It would certainly make things simpler and more efficient but I have a feeling it would also expose how few local Catholic Match users there really are.  It's very telling when other members from different parts of the country complain in the forums about the lack of local singles.  This was not a good sign.