Their Answer For Everything?

Look familiar?

While searching for Cardinal Sean O'Malley's blog, I found an article on consecrated virgins.  I never heard of such a thing before so I decided to research the subject.  A consecrated virgin is a woman who publicly vows to live in perpetual virginity as an exclusive spouse of Christ.  The practice dates back to the early days of the Church, fell out of favor for some time but was reestablished after Vatican II.  Women who have freely engaged in sexual union are not eligible for this form of concerted life.  It's estimated there are about 300 consecrated virgins living in the United States with around 6,000 to 7,000 worldwide.

The more I read about consecrated virginity, the more it bothered me.  As a single Catholic male, it's difficult enough to find a woman who saves herself for marriage.  Now the Church itself was shrinking the pool of devout, eligible females.  After comparing the images of women receiving this rite with those of priests, sisters and deacons being ordained, I found myself asking, “Is that their answer for everything?”

Behind many of these consecrated virgins was a priest influencing their decision.  In an essay entitled I Am Happily Married to God, Carmen Briceno writes, “Father Juan had opened a house where myself and other women who were considering consecrated life could have the space to pray and discern whether this vocation was for us.  It was an old convent, so it had a chapel where we could pray and was right across the street from the local parish church.”  Another article on the subject featured a consecrated virgin who had pined for a boyfriend but was encouraged by her priest to start writing love letters to Jesus instead.

It's common to encounter priests who believe the joy and fellowship they experience as men of the cloth is universal but for Catholic singles who are called to marriage, nothing could be further from the truth.  The elephant in the room of course is S-E-X.  You may hear the occasional sermon condemning premarital sex, but do they ever mention the benefits of healthy sexual relations WITHIN the bonds of holy matrimony?  Life-long celibacy is always held up as the ideal which is why some of the consecrated virgins interviewed say things like, “There's more to life than sex.” or “...the life of a celibate person is not lacking in intimacy” or  “Human love comes with its own pitfalls...chiefly that it doesn't last.”

I think it's sad these women feel this way and it has me wondering how different their lives would be had they been exposed to different role models.  Carmen Briceno mentioned having to break off relationships with past boyfriends because they did not respect her decision to save sex until marriage.  What if a respectful suitor had crossed her path?  Instead of love letters to Jesus, how about helping these women find spouses.

Concentrated virginity seems to exist in a strange middle ground that skirts the commitment of a religious order but does not allow for an ordinary life.  I wonder if these women are emotionally mature enough for the complexities of having a husband.  Carmen Briceno writes, “But in many ways, I have the same struggles as a wife would.”  No you don't.  Judging by my married friends, consecrated virginity is nothing like holy matrimony.  You can put on a white dress, wear a ring and have a ceremony, but it doesn't mean you know anything about being married.

In the Bible, Jesus turns to the crowd and says, “Daughters of Jerusalem, do not weep for Me, but weep for yourselves and for your children.  For the time will come when you will say, 'Blessed are the childless women, the wombs that never bore and the breasts that never nursed!'”  With consecrated virginity, is the Church helping to promote the very culture that Jesus warned us about?